Shock jocks abound in our culture. These are the men and women who are always violating the bounds of propriety to get attention for themselves, their cause, or, most likely, both. There was a time when they were limited by television and radio stations that would take a chance on them. Howard Stern was in a small minority when he gained popularity in the 80s with his risqué schticks. With the advent and growth of social media and the market being flooded with personalities, people resort to all sorts of indiscreet words and behaviors to get a share of the attention market. It is difficult to stand out, so the lines of propriety must keep being violated. Once people grow accustomed to this impropriety so that it becomes ordinary, the next frontier of shock must be explored.
This phenomenon is not limited to the non-Christian world. Christians throw out verbal hand grenades in the midst of their brothers and sisters, not because a hand grenade is needed, but because they merely want to be provocateurs. There are times that these explosive devices are needed in the family. Some social and theological conventions not only need to be injured but put in the morgue. Knowing when to throw these hand grenades and when to keep them on your belt is the art of discretion.
Read more: DiscretionBeing discreet is becoming more and more a lost art. That is not sad in the sense of the American muscle car with its loud internal combustion engine being replaced with the electric vehicle (though that is quite sad). It is sad because it reveals that we have become a society of fools. Discretion is not a superficial social grace that is expendable. Without discretion, good judgments that recognize the bounds of propriety, good, healthy, productive order in a society is lost. The community descends into chaos.
Discretion is not always about obeying black-and-white rules. Very little judgment is needed to see the rule and follow it. Mature discretion is understanding people and situations and knowing what to do in those situations to create and maintain a joyful peace. Discretion is having social skills that help you blend in and work with people in given situations so that you don’t draw needless attention to yourself.
Cultures large and small have customs that are not a part of their penal codes but are vital to their overall health. In good cultures, these are those practices that apply biblical principles that show respect for one another. Whether it is saying “sir” and “ma’am,” “Mr.” or “Mrs.,” dressing to fit an occasion, or using good table manners, these customs are the dance steps of the culture that they use to work together in peace and respect. Those who dance with them are discreet and, thus, wise. They know when to speak and when not to speak, how to speak when they speak, and, generally what is appropriate for their actions on occasions. Within those boundaries, they can help move the culture forward without being immodest.
Social graces and modesty in words and actions are not mere niceties. The aim is to create a peaceful, productive, and joyful community, and that is part and parcel of the mission God has given us in the world. This can’t be done with people always wanting to be different and refusing to “blend in.” If working within the bounds of propriety in social graces is a cultural waltz, the lack of social graces is a mosh pit with everyone looking as if he has been pepper-sprayed; something is being done together, but it looks pretty ugly and potentially violent. Not going along with social conventions and practicing social graces may be a display of arrogance that violates Paul’s exhortation to “let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself” (Phil 2.3).
Don’t push yourself forward, always trying to stand out and provoking others. There are times it is needed, but if it is over-used or used in the wrong ways or at the wrong times, you simply come across as a shrill toddler seeking attention whom the wisest people will ignore or laugh at. For the most part, you probably need to simply plod along quietly blending in.
