Marriage is an act of death and resurrection. It will not be surprising to many worldlings that marriage is a type of death. There is no shortage of jokes that have been made to illustrate that point. But in the Bible, death is always followed by resurrection, judgment gives birth to salvation, and the inglorious and perishable is transformed into glory and imperishability. So it is with marriage.
The man who comes to be married must first die. He must fall asleep, the kind of sleep from which he will never awake on his own—he must be awakened, raised, by the Lord. In order to be married, he must first be broken, broken open, torn apart, so that from brokenness, new wholeness may be created. Marriage does not involve the union of two individuals. It is a new creation, a covenantal unity in which those who were formerly two are now one by grace.
Adam was given two responsibilities as the lord of creation. He was to tend and guard the garden. Work is not a result of the Fall; it is a creational ordinance. God made man to work, and man will never be happy or fulfilled so long as he remains idle. He was made to care for the garden, to prune the trees, gather the fruit, plant seedlings, fertilize, weed, and extend the bounty and beauty of the garden to transform the surrounding wilderness. The trajectory of creation was not for the garden to remain an isolated oasis and for the rest of the world to remain untamed wild lands. Adam was to follow his Maker’s example as a sub-creator. Just as rivers went out of the garden, so life and abundance were to extend beyond the garden as well. The wilderness would become a garden, the garden would become a city, the family would become a nation, then many nations, until the glory of God covers the face of the earth as the water covers the sea.
God put Adam in the garden as a warrior caretaker, but the Lord saw immediately that Adam could not fulfill his task alone. He needed a helper, one suited for his need and mission. Adam could master the animals. He could make yokes and harnesses for the oxen and horses. He could fell timber, pull out stumps, and plow new fields for orchards using animals already at hand. What he needed was something no horse or ox or dog could give him. He needed a companion, a fellow image bearer with whom he could share intimacy and fellowship, with whom he could bear children—be fruitful and multiply—and raise successive generations to carry on and finally finish the mission the Lord gave to humanity. It is not good for man to be alone. The creation mandate cannot be fulfilled in isolation. Some are called to singleness, but that is not the pattern for mankind. Singleness can never fulfill the creation mandate. Only covenanted households building the kingdom of God through childbearing, discipleship, and sanctified labor can.
Adam’s need could not be met by any of the beings created thus far. They all belonged to different kinds, and what Adam needed was someone like him with whom he could bring forth more divine image bearers after his own kind. He needed a wife, but in order to have a wife, Adam first had to die.
This might seem a little extreme. After all, Adam was still less than one day old. The 6th day hadn’t come to an end yet. His life had barely started. He hadn’t even put in a full day’s work, and already the Lord says it is over. Adam could not do what had to be done next. Man is only a sub-creator, and what was needed was the sovereign action of the true Creator. So the Lord put Adam to sleep, but not for a nap—he put him into deep sleep. How asleep would you have to be for me to cut your chest open, remove a rib with a saw, and sew the muscles and skin back together without disturbing you? The Lord put Adam to sleep and then broke him. His flesh was torn open, his body was divided, and out of that division, God created new unity.
This is the pattern throughout the Bible. Years later at the Tower of Babel Yahweh spoke a curse, broke humanity, divided the people, and then from that division, created new unity in the outpouring of the Spirit at Pentecost. On the cross Jesus’ side was pierced, his body was torn open, blood and water poured out, the elements of cleansing and consecration, covenant and communion, and from division, God created new unity. The two shall become one flesh. In the holy Supper, bread is blessed, broken, and divided, and by that division of Christ’s Body, we who are the Body are united. Christ’s Bride comes from his side, just like Adam’s. And he sanctifies and cleanses her, just as husbands are commanded to do to this very day.
In Ephesians 5 the apostle Paul gives us a lesson in ecclesiology, the doctrine of the Church, by using the analogy of marriage.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
(EPhesians 5:22-33)
Marriage is a covenantal analogy of Christ’s relationship to his Bride. Marriage is the type, the shadow, and Christ’s relationship with the Church is the fulfillment, the substance. That does not make our marriages less important; it makes them far more important than they otherwise would be. Our society views marriage as an arrangement of convenience, and when it ceases to be convenient or to contribute to personal happiness, it can be easily discarded. But the Bible says marriage is a picture of salvation. We are not saved by being married. If anything, we may see our sin with greater clarity in our relationship with our spouse! But marriage works the same way salvation does—by grace through faith, by sacrifice and service, by perpetual cleansing and consecration, by love and loyalty—and it helps us understand salvation better than we otherwise could.
Jonathan and Gillianne, you already know this, but let me remind you, neither of you are marrying Jesus. Your spouse cannot be your Savior. You will not be able to do for each other what only Christ and the Holy Spirit can. But you are already united to Jesus. He gave himself for each of you. It was not good for you to be alone, and your need will not ultimately be fulfilled by each other—it will be met by your faithful Savior. The Church’s marriage to Christ is the marriage we all were made for.
Both of you are sinners, and you will need patience and grace to deal with each other and with yourselves for as long as you both shall live. Ultimately it is not your love for each other that will hold you together: it is the love of Christ that will do so, the love of the Father poured out in your hearts by the Holy Spirit. Your marriage will not succeed by relying on your works. It will not flourish by insisting on your own righteousness. You must rely on Christ, on his righteousness, on his work. The gospel is not merely for your sins; it is for your relationship with your spouse. Christ is Lord of all, including your life together.
Now to say that marriage will not save you is not to say that it is devoid of spiritual value. It may not be ultimate, but it is certainly instrumental. God works through means, and marriage is a means of bringing God’s people to greater faith, humility, holiness, and joy. The Lord is bringing wholeness out of your brokenness. He is helping you to know his love more deeply by learning how to love and to be loved by each other. He will show you your sins more clearly in the context of marriage: your pride, selfishness, pettiness, impatience, resentment, and the evils of squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle… or insisting that it is only properly squeezed from the bottom, the way we will do it in the new heavens and earth. And in the discovery of your sinfulness, you will more clearly perceive, deeply love, and fully enjoy Christ Jesus, your Lord and Savior. Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, he was buried, and he rose the third day so that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life. God has called you to joy in Christ, to wholeness from brokenness, to life from death, and to glory.
Jonathan, to receive a bride, you must die. You cannot remain who and what you have been any longer. You are no longer a single, solitary person. You are now a public person, a head of household, a warrior caretaker, a man charged to love and serve his wife in the same manner Christ has loved and serves his own. That means you not only die once here today as the Lord presents Gillianne to you. You must die daily, sacrificing yourself for her, giving your life for hers. She is your glory, and you must be torn for that glory to shine forth.
Gillianne, the Lord is crowning Jonathan with glory and beauty by giving you to him. You are the radiance of his life and his companion in mission. He is incapable of fulfilling God’s will alone. Sometimes, like his father Adam, he will be cowardly and selfish, resentful and quick to criticize. The Lord will rebuke him, correct him, and help him to grow to maturity, just as he will do with you. Sometimes, like your mother Eve, you may be a stumbling block to him. You will sin together, repent together, grow together, and glorify God together.
Who is sufficient for these things? None of us are. And it is in realizing our insufficiency, that we learn to see the sufficiency of our Savior. May you see God’s grace of new creation working wholeness from the brokenness by which he joined you together.
Of all the images you could have used to represent a newlywed couple, why did you choose a mixed race photo?
It seemed appropriate since the couple is of mixed ethnicity as reflected in the photo I chose to accompany this post.