MENU

Family and Children
Category

On October 18, 2024 By In Family and Children, History, Theology

Marriage is like Purgatory

“Marriage is a lot like purgatory, not many protestants seem to believe in it.” 

&

“Marriage is a lot like purgatory, everyone seems eager to end their suffering.”

This is how I facetiously began a recent sermon on Questions 108 and 109 of the Heidelberg Catechism, which address the commandment against adultery. The catechism emphasizes the call for every believer, married or single, “to keep ourselves pure and holy.”

In the context of the 16th-century Reformation, marriage and purgatory were hot-button issues. Christian marriage was central to Reformation theology—can we tell the story of Martin Luther without Katharina von Bora or Henry VIII without his six wives? In this post I’d like to explore how these two are related in some surprising ways.

On Purgatory and Reformation 

The medieval doctrine of purgatory sought to address an important dilemma: How can we reconcile the extrinsic grace of God with the ongoing imperfection and sinfulness of individual Christians? In the medieval Roman system, God’s divine justice could purge or cleanse the souls of those who trusted in Jesus, removing their individual shortcomings in an intermediate state. However, Protestants like Luther insisted that our righteousness before God is already perfected—simul justus et peccator (“simultaneously justified and sinner”).

(more…)

Read more

On August 22, 2024 By In Discipleship, Family and Children, Work

Slaves & Masters

Over the past 160 years in the West, we have experienced something rare in the history of the world: Chattel slavery has not only been formally abolished but has become culturally abhorrent. When Americans think of slavery, we think of Africans being sold by their kinsmen to people in the West and that slavery was only of those who had dark skin. But light-skinned eastern European Slavs were enslaved by Muslims. The Irish were slaves in the 1600s in Western lands. Slavery reaches back to the time before Abraham, who himself owned slaves. Even today, throughout the world, it is estimated that somewhere around 40 million people are enslaved. The twentieth and twenty-first-century Christian West is an anomaly in the world.

Because of our relatively sheltered place in history, many Christians are embarrassed about what the Scriptures say and do not say about slavery. We expect there to be an absolute prohibition of slavery throughout Scripture and especially in the New Testament, but there isn’t. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Paul and Peter direct slaves to obey their masters, and masters are not commanded to free their slaves. The relationship between master and slave is regulated but not eliminated.

(more…)

Read more

On August 20, 2024 By In Church, Culture, Family and Children, Theology

What Does Baptism Accomplish? Part Three: A Marriage Ceremony

In this series, I am seeking to answer the question: What Does Baptism Accomplish? To begin with, I said: Baptism initiates a real covenant relationship with the Triune God and with each of the Persons in particular. This means that there are three different aspects to this relationship and each one corresponds to one of the Three Persons of the Trinity. As it pertains to the Father, the relationship is adoptive. As it pertains to the Son, the relationship is marital. And as it pertains to the Holy Spirit, the relationship is ministerial. 

I covered the adoptive aspect and now I’ll be covering the marital aspect. First, I want to show that, in the Bible, the relationship we have with God in Christ is of a marital nature. Second, I’ll show the connection between marriage and baptism. Finally, I’ll provide some guidelines on how to think of this relationship in terms of objective and subjective realities. 

(more…)

Read more

On August 19, 2024 By In Discipleship, Family and Children, Worship

The Discipline of Paedocommunion

One danger of any ritual is thinking it works for blessing standing alone. The water of baptism magically grants eternal salvation apart from faith. The bread and wine of the Lord’s Supper convey blessings no matter how you live outside of the church or if you participate in the worship service. The “sinner’s prayer” saves apart from participation in the body of Christ and without perseverance. No matter the ritual, there are always dangers of isolating them from a full life of faith, treating them as if they are magic spells.

Those of us who have the privilege of practicing full covenant communion (that is, welcoming our baptized children to the Table) are not immune from the danger. Just as some treat baptism as something of a finish line, so some parents and churches treat paedocommunion (child communion) as if eating the bread and drinking the wine of communion are all that matters for the children. They don’t have to participate in the rest of the service. They can be in a nursery or some other room in the building, cutting themselves off entirely from the rest of the congregation, but when it comes time for communion, they expect to be a part.

With the privilege of paedocommunion comes responsibilities. Communion is the apex of the worship service, a piece of the whole, the end of the journey up God’s holy mountain. Participating in communion assumes that you have heard God’s call to worship, confessed and been cleansed of sin, and been consecrated by his Word. In other words, communion assumes that you have participated in the rest of the worship service. Bread and wine declare peace with God, and peace with God assumes you have received all God’s gifts that precede the gift of peace. Communion can’t be separated from the rest of the service. You can’t just walk in at the end of the service, receive the bread and wine, walk out, and expect that you have received God’s blessing. You haven’t. Indeed, you may be receiving the opposite.

Worship that culminates in the Lord’s Supper is covenant renewal. Covenant renewal is the time that God comes to declare his loving loyalty to his people and we, in response, declare our loving allegiance to him. Throughout history, God has included children in these covenant renewal ceremonies. “Little ones” are gathered around Moses on the mountain when the covenant is renewed (Deut 29:1-15). This is the covenant God made with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob that was fulfilled in the Passover, Exodus, and formation of the children of Israel into a nation at Mt Sinai. This covenant was renewed in all the worship rites and rituals at the Tabernacle in the various offerings and feasts. Children participated in these covenant renewals (see Deut 31:9-13; Josh 8:35). When Paul wrote to the churches in the first century and expected his letters to be read to the congregation, he expected children to be present (see Eph 6:1; Col 3:20). We know from 1 Corinthians and Acts that when the church gathered, the Lord’s Supper was eaten. Children were to be present in the worship or covenant renewal of the church.

We know that children can’t understand everything in the worship service. So, why should they be there? They are covenant members, and as covenant members God is renewing the covenant with them too. They have privileges and responsibilities. The worship service is not all about intellectual ability (much to the chagrin of many a Reformed pastor and layman). God wants them there because he makes commitments to them, has commands for them, and expects them to be in his presence.

Their presence and participation in communion require something of the parents and the rest of the church. First, when the parents presented these children for baptism, Jesus took them and declared them to belong to him. Then he gave them back to the parents as members of his church to be good stewards of them, to train them to be the worshipers the Father seeks (John 4:23). Training children to participate in the worship service at various levels of maturity is vital to their discipleship.

Participating in worship in the younger years will be getting children to the place where they can be with the congregation without making a spectacle of themselves. We gather for worship as a unified body, speaking with one voice (Rom 15:6). It is not a time for children or adults to show off. We are an army that walks in lockstep with cadences. According to 1 Corinthians 14, worship ought to be intelligible. Not even the prophets were to be speaking at the same time but showing deference to one another so that everyone could understand what God was saying to the congregation. If people are speaking in languages that can’t be understood, speaking all at once, or creating a cacophony with noise so that others can’t understand, that is disordered worship.

Our children need to learn this. It will take time and effort. Christian parenting is not for the lazy. You may have to take that little one out of the sanctuary several times during the worship service for some directed instruction, but you need to bring him back in. If he knows he can act up and go to a playroom like he wants, he will play you like a cheap fiddle every time. If he knows that there is nothing pleasant outside the doors of the sanctuary and that he will inevitably be returning, it may take a while, but he will get the picture.

The disciplines of worship begin at home. Parents must have a disciplined household, one in which children are trained to understand that there are times to work and there are times to play, there are times to speak and there are times to be quiet. Fathers should direct the family this way, especially if you have little ones. Family worship is a time when children can learn that they must sit still and defer to others, controlling their impulses to blurt out. The instruction in family worship may not be making sure they understand the hypostatic union of Christ. Instruction may be that they learn to control themselves for the sake of the body of Christ.

Communion comes with responsibilities. When our children are young, the primary responsibility is on the parents to train them to participate in worship. The bread and wine aren’t magically conveying blessing apart from the rest of the worship service. Don’t teach your children that they are by excluding them from the worship service.

Read more

On August 15, 2024 By In Discipleship, Family and Children, Men, Wisdom

Encouraging Fathers

Fatherlessness is at epidemic proportions in our nation and wreaking havoc on the health of our society. There are many reasons for fathers’ absence, some legitimate and many illegitimate consequences of sin. The absence is felt. Based on the US Census Bureau statistics, 43% of children in the US live in fatherless homes. Their absence is devastating. Ninety percent of runaway and homeless children are from fatherless homes. Seventy percent of minors housed in state facilities are from fatherless homes. Thirty-nine percent of inmates in jail are from fatherless homes. The rate of abuse in single-parent homes is almost double that in two-parent homes.[1] There is more than a superficial correlation in those numbers. Lack of fathers is the cause of many of these societal maladies.

Being present as fathers is only half the battle. The other half is being proactive in nurturing and disciplining children. God’s command to Israel in Deuteronomy 6 assumes the father’s presence with his children and commands his diligence in their instruction. Fathers must teach God’s law to their children “when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Dt 6:7). As a father, you are involved in your children’s lives.

When addressing the new creation family, Paul addresses fathers directly in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children so that they do not become discouraged.” While the mother is to receive due honor from children and has responsibility for raising children, Paul homes in on fathers. The word “parents” was available to Paul because he used it in 3:20. The fathers are ultimately responsible for how the children are disciplined. (Three of the commands in the section are focused on men as heads of their house: husbands, fathers, and masters. Men have the greatest responsibility for the health of the home.)

Discipline must never be undertaken to “ break the spirit” of children. The word translated as “discouraged” has at its root the idea of a child’s vital force, spirit, desire, drive, or passion. His drives, corrupted by sin, are to be corrected and redirected toward that which is good, true, and beautiful. He is not to be squashed but shaped.

How can fathers discourage their children?

1. Never praise your child. Always tell him what he could have done better without praising his effort or accomplishments.

2. Lead only by command and not by example. Demand discipline and obedience from your children while you are undisciplined and refuse to submit to your authorities.

3. Be inconsistent in discipline. Don’t enforce rules one day and come down on your children like a ton of bricks the next for breaking the rules. They will never know where the boundaries are and will be living in a psychological earthquake.

4. Refuse to discipline your children. Teach them by lack of discipline that there are no boundaries, that they can do anything without consequence, and that they should be able to have whatever they want when they want it. They will have a lousy relationship with reality and be anxious, angry children who grow to be anxious, angry adults.

5. Make unreasonable demands. Expect more of them than they are capable of doing for their age and skill level. Don’t take into consideration their unique personalities and desires, forcing them to become something that they aren’t. Be a perfectionist, always chasing the elusive standard that not even you can attain.

6. Don’t allow your child to mature. As he grows older, tighten your grip on him, never giving him any freedom to fail or succeed. Never let him take risks. Micromanage his life so that he doesn’t learn how to make decisions for himself and becomes a helpless adult (who you are probably hoping will depend on you to fulfill your need to be needed).

7. Never show affection, laugh with, or play with your children. Teach him that God never allows you to lighten up but that you must carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You must take yourself with utmost seriousness at all times.

If you do these things, you will break the spirit of your children. Your goal is to shape your child into a joyful child. A joyful child is one who knows that he is loved, has learned contentment through accepting his and others’ limitations, is freed to be all that God created him to be, and matures so that he can make decisions without being unhealthily dependent upon others.

Fathers, don’t discourage your children.

[1] https://parentspluskids.com/blog/fatherhood-statistics-trends-and-analysis

Read more

On August 8, 2024 By In Church, Discipleship, Family and Children

Children, Obey Your Parents


“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” ~Colossians 3:2

Every several years, new approaches to parenting are presented by the experts. (I often wonder how many children these experts have reared successfully.) Over the past several years, “gentle parenting” has been the latest experiment in child-rearing. Obedience is not demanded from the parent. Punishments and rewards are discouraged as incentives. Instead, the parent is to empathize with and validate a child’s feelings. The parent negotiates with the child, trying to convince the child to do what he thinks the child ought to do. Instead of expecting immediate obedience and emotional control, the child must come to a place of self-awareness. Gentle-parenters will probably be outraged by my lack of nuance. I’ve seen their children. The proof is in the pudding. Gentle parenting techniques don’t produce obedient children. They produce children who are self-consumed, discontent, emotionally fragile, and unhappy. Abigail Shier, in her book Bad Therapy: Why The Kids Aren’t Growing Up, rightly judges gentle parenting as “child abuse.”

(more…)

Read more

On July 24, 2024 By In Family and Children, Men, Theology, Wisdom, Women

A Husband’s Love

“Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter with them.” ~Colossians 3:19

Marriage has been a fight for survival from the beginning of time. The present-day battle of the sexes is nothing new. Feminists rail against biblical marriage because the thought of submitting to a husband is barbaric and demeaning. But Feminism, with all its evils, is not the primary problem. The lack of masculine leadership is the principal problem; it has been since the Garden. Modern men respond to Feminism not by assuming masculine responsibility and seeking to win women back with strong, confident leadership but by agreeing with them that marriage is a bad deal for men as well. “The courts are stacked against us. A woman can take almost everything I have, including my children. Marriage is a bad deal for men.” Black-pilled (at least in the area of marriage) MGTOWs (Men Going Their Own Way) have blamed women for everything, becoming resentful. “Masculine” influencers encourage young men never to get married; in other words, never truly love a woman.

Marriage is risky. It always has been. You are entrusting yourself to another person, opening yourself up to the possibility of the greatest pain you can ever experience. But it is also true that you may experience some of the deepest joys known to a man. Masculine men take risks and take on responsibility. Effeminate men hide behind all the excuses of everything being against them, whine, and refuse to fight for what is good. Real men take the risk of loving a woman genuinely and deeply.

(more…)

Read more

On July 18, 2024 By In Discipleship, Family and Children, Theology, Women

The Submission of Wives

“Strong Independent Woman” has been a meme in our culture since the 1970s, and not a funny one. The character developed within the Feminist movement has leavened Western culture so that now this is the cultural ideal. Women who refuse this title are backward and old-fashioned in the worst possible way. The Strong Independent Woman “don’t need no man” and must never do anything for the express purpose of pleasing a man. If she happens to choose marriage, she will remain on a separate path from her husband. Her subservient husband (whom she will call an “equal partner”) supports her independence so that she can achieve her hopes and dreams.

Enter Paul’s words to Christian wives: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col 3:18). The words come as so out of place to some Christian commentators that they see Paul’s command as “culturally bound” and can’t be translated into our more enlightened twenty-first-century context. Reading this part of what is called “the household code” must be only to “unmask them as texts promoting patriarchal violence.” (Fiorenza in David Garland, Colossians, 253).

(more…)

Read more

On June 13, 2024 By In Culture, Discipleship, Family and Children, Wisdom

Kingdom Obsession

Have you ever known an obsessive person? He is preoccupied, possessed, driven, and singularly focused on accomplishing an objective. Nothing else matters. His mind is consumed with thoughts about the task. His time, energy, and resources are used for the mission. He lives life with blinders on.

“Obsession” comes with a great amount of negative baggage in our parlance. The obsessive person has unhealthy fixations that cause him to lose broader perspectives. While obsessions can be taken to unhealthy extremes, “obsession” is close to what Paul commands the Colossian Christians to do when he tells them to “seek” and “set their minds” on things above (Col 3:1-2).

(more…)

Read more

On December 5, 2023 By In Culture, Family and Children

Why We Hate Advent!

No one likes to long for things. No one likes to wait. We are consumerist beings expecting everything to be hand-delivered not one second too late; preferably, one second earlier. It’s for these and other reasons that we hate Advent! It’s perhaps for this reason also that we join together Advent and Christmas conceptually. We don’t grasp what Schmemann called the “bright sadness” of this Season, so we rather incorporate it with a happier season.

But we usually don’t hate Advent intentionally; we hate it emotionally–almost like a visceral reaction. We hate it because words like “longing,” “waiting,” “expecting,” “hoping” don’t find a comfortable home in our hearts or vocabulary.

So, I propose we begin the process of un-hating Advent. But we can’t simply un-hate something we have long hated. It takes time to undo our habits. We must try to see Advent for what it really is; a season of practice. It’s a season to warm up our vocal cords for the joys of the world, to strengthen our faith for the adoration of Christ, the Son of the living God.

Few of us treasure the practice time, rehearsal, the conductor’s corrections to our singing, the coach’s repetitive exercises before the big game. Ultimately, we hate Advent because we don’t like to practice.

Sometimes, however, the solution to stop hating something is to reframe the way you think about that something. Imagine you sit under a tedious professor who reads from his notes with no modulation in his voice. To make matters worse, he rarely if ever looks up to engage your eyes, but buries himself in his manuscript. While the material is wonderful, you long for that intimate connection between the content and the character. The next class comes along and suddenly you have an engaging lecturer who is interested in connecting with you. He will add a couple of funny lines to ensure you are awake. Those professors almost always make a greater emotional impact than the tedious lecturer.

Advent is like longing with an engaging professor who not only enjoys teaching but looks up to you and seeks to connect with your eyes and heart. If adventing (waiting) was only a process of listening without engaging, it would be a duty without pleasure. But Advent is being guided by someone who looks into the eyes of affliction and who speaks from experience.
So, yes, it’s about perspective. To Advent is to wait actively, to long hopefully, and to engage the dynamic prophets who prophesy and proclaim Messiah Jesus.

If we begin to see Advent as an engaging practice for Christmas, suddenly our distaste for the season before Christmas will decrease and our longing will be more meaningful. Perhaps we won’t hate Advent after all. We will long together with the prophets and those first-century saints who practiced well and embraced Christmas with sounding joy.

Read more