MENU

Family and Children
Category

On September 9, 2020 By In Discipleship, Family and Children

The Heaven of Hospitality, Part 2

Introduction, Part 1

Hospitality was a distinctive mark of the early church. Consider these words written in 96 AD by Clement of Rome, writing from the church in Rome to the church in Corinth:

“Indeed, was there ever a visitor in your midst that did not approve of your excellent and steadfast faith…or did not proclaim the magnificent character of your hospitality?”

What does it look for a Church to be known for its hospitality in the community? We often forget that one of the greatest displays of true religion which catapulted the Christian faith in the ancient world was the gift of hospitality. The Church constantly intermingled in this world of eating and drinking together. The result of such experiences was that the Lord’s Day became an experience of remarkable joy, even amidst persecution.

The Christian’s most important day is doubled in communion and blessings when members have already tasted of moments of worship around a table, singing with friends, and laughing with our children through the week. Indeed, hospitality throughout the week becomes the preparatory means to feast and prepare our hearts for Sunday. In fact, the more it is practiced the richer will the Sabbath event be amidst the congregation.

Because this is so crucial in the life of the Church, and precisely because the Church’s imperative are so clear biblically and historically, I do not accept any psychological description that sounds like an apologetic for not doing it. Such may vary from, “But I don’t make enough money for hospitality,” or “I don’t know how to cook for large groups,” or “I am not comfortable entertaining people,” or “my house is too small,” or “I live alone,” or “life is too hectic right now,” and a host of self-defeating propositions. We shall address some of these in the future, but suffice to say, the kind of hospitality I advocate is the incremental type that begins by inviting a family or a couple or an individual over at least once a month. In fact, the kindest hosts I know are people who don’t make much money and live in small homes but determined long ago that this is a gift of immeasurable worth that cannot be set aside because of my fears or uncertainties.

In the end, we have to ask ourselves whether we have allowed our apathy to dictate our imperative instead of shutting our apathy with God’s imperatives. The impact hospitality has on a family will endure to a thousand generations. If we linger we are missing out on the benediction bestowed on others through hospitality, but more importantly the benediction God would love to bestow on us.

Read more

On September 6, 2020 By In Discipleship, Family and Children, Theology, Worship

Jesus Loves The Little Children

As parents, we sometimes wonder if it is all worth it. We are tired from the week of work and all the activities in which we have engaged ourselves and our children. Getting ready for worship on Sunday and actually going is a hassle. We don’t want to feel that way, but if we are honest with ourselves, we do. Not only do we have to get ourselves ready, but we also have to get our children ready. Then, when we get them there, all they want to do is squirm, color, cry, and go to the bathroom; and those are just the teenagers! We’re not “getting anything out of it” and, apparently, our children aren’t “getting anything out of it.” Do they even pay attention? Do they understand what is going on? Have they thought about what a blessing it is to be in the presence of God? Apparently not. They don’t seem to be thinking about this at all.  All of this can be a bit overwhelming and discouraging at times, especially when you are worn out. Why bother?

“Why bother?” is a good question. Jesus’ band of disciples didn’t think it was all that important to have children in the presence of Jesus. Luke doesn’t tell us specifically in chapter 18 why the disciples rebuked the parents and tried to keep the children from coming into Jesus presence, but from the evidence gathered throughout the Gospel, we are on pretty solid ground to understand that they didn’t think that the children were important enough to be that close to the King. They’re not great warriors. They’re not intellectual giants. They’re not even potty-trained! They can’t possibly be useful because they are whining and crying as their parents are bringing them to be touched by the Messiah. Who has time for that? We need to make better use of our time and the King’s time. Jesus wasn’t pleased. He thought it was important that they are touched by him, so his disciples better start thinking that it is important that these children be touched by him.

(more…)

Read more

On September 5, 2020 By In Culture, Discipleship, Family and Children

The Heaven of Hospitality, Part 1

Many years ago, shortly after we were married, we decided to invest in this hospitality business. We had heard the tapes, knew our biblical imperatives and happened to come across some really dangerous authors who told us that hospitality was not an option. I regret ever having served my neighbor with food and laughter…said no one ever!

I remember inviting over a fairly wealthy family. The father was a gentle soul, who was very successful in his labors. They accepted our invitation and when we returned home from church to get everything ready it dawned on us that our table could only fit four people, but they were a family of 6. Our apartment was a little over 700 square feet and we only had four chairs. After some deliberation, we made the decision to sit on the floor and eat, to which they happily agreed. I remember being slightly embarrassed, but any concerns went away when we started eating and laughing. It was one of the most memorable Sundays in my life!

Here is the truth, as black as Amazonian coffee: those who do not practice hospitality fail to taste the goodness of God. It’s plain and simple. When Paul said, “do hospitality” (διώκοντες (Rom. 12:13; root word engages the concept of “persecution;” think of happily persecuting hospitality), he said that we are to be zealous for this gift. For Paul, and for so many other biblical authors, hospitality was a visible demonstration of our baptism into Christ. Christ hosts us in his body and we host others in our abode.

We shall deal with practicalities throughout, but we must begin this conversation with an important principle found in Solomon. Proverbs 15:17 says: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.”

The Bible uses the image of a “fattened ox” because it represents the finest foods available.The contrast is significant in this text because love is to be preferred over the best foods. Abundance and hatred do not go hand in hand. Abundance and hatred produce an un-godly environment–an environment where people do not want to be. Wealth and hatred only lead to disaster, but wealth of love is the secret ingredient to hospitality.

In one of my favorite Johnny Cash songs he writes:
It’s not the barley or the wheat
It’s not the oven or the heat
That makes this bread so good to eat
It’s the needing and the sharing that makes the meal complete.

What makes a meal complete is the sense of sharing and passing and needing oneness in the context of a table, even if that table comes from the meager earnings of a college student or a widow. There, in that moment, when we are joined, something mystical is taking place: we are imitating a table of kings and queens. Whether with herbs or the finest meal, the very presence of image-bearers partaking of food and drink form a sacred bond that affirms our love for God and one another.

And for this entire thing to run as good as a hot cup of ramen noodles in a cold college dorm, we need the recipe of love. We don’t need abundance, we need only a few grateful saints around a table sharing stories and affirming the humanity of one another; for where two or three are gathered around a table, God is in their midst.

Read more

On September 3, 2020 By In Discipleship, Family and Children, Men

Letters To Young Men: Determining & Developing Your Mission

Young Men,

I kind of left you hanging a bit with my last letter. I told you that you need to have a mission and that any woman you bring into your life needs to be willing to help you in your mission, revolving her life around yours. I didn’t tell you, however, how to determine and develop your mission. This letter will get you started with that.

The general structure of your mission is determined for you. You are created in the image of God and, therefore, share his characteristics. Being God’s image is a fixed as well as an active, growing reality. That is, you are God’s image in the very nature of being human. God reveals himself in us as humans in the way we think, speak, see, feel, rule, create, relate, and many other ways. We have these characteristics because they image God’s own being. These are characteristics of all humans because all humans are God’s image.

(more…)

Read more

On September 1, 2020 By In Family and Children

The Heaven of Hospitality, Introduction

We had 21 souls in our home for dinner last night! It’s a common practice in our household. But we didn’t just wake up one morning and for the first time decided to invite all those fine people for a meal. Over the years my wife and I have surrounded ourselves with people who are seasoned at hospitality. They invited us over when we were young in our married life, when we only had one child and they continue to do it as our family has increased in numbers. They have refreshed my family and me. Let’s face it: hosting a family of seven is not for wimps! But yet, they have gone out of their way to make us feel comfortable and satisfied.

It is hard to express the level of gratitude I have for the hundreds of meals prepared out of love and devotion. In turn, we have worked hard at imitating those who practice hospitality so generously. Yet, I am grieved by how the apostles’ imperatives (Heb. 13:2; I Pet. 4:9) are so often overlooked in the evangelical community. It’s often that I hear visitors to our congregation and outside our community state with some level of sadness, that they have never or rarely been invited by a Christian to someone’s home for a simple meal. Yes, they have probably experienced what we call in the South, “Potluck meals,” but that is different from the experience of particularized hospitality the Bible has in mind.

The Church and the individual family miss a genuine opportunity to serve one another, to hear each others’ stories, and give out of the abundance given to us in Christ Jesus. Indeed, hospitality is the overflow of God’s love for us. We host because God has hosted us in his house (Ps. 23). I love the way Lauren Winner describes this in her book, Mudhouse Sabbath:

“We are not meant simply to invite people into our homes, but also to invite them into our lives. Having guests and visitors, if we do it right, is not an imposition, because we are not meant to rearrange our lives for our guests – we are meant to invite our guests to enter into our lives as they are.”

What I wish to do in this short series is to encourage you to see how practical and pleasing it is to do hospitality. It doesn’t demand the most expensive wine bottle nor does it demand the most extroverted host, it only demands a willing heart to see the Gospel made known in the midst of unfolded laundry and wildly active children.

Who can host? The family of seven, the newly-wed couple, the single young man, and anyone who can spare some change for a noble cause. For many of you who have never practiced this Christian gift, you can begin small and inexpensively, but what you can’t do is leave it up for the right opportunity. The right opportunity comes when you make it. Begin small and you will see the joy and celebration that overtakes a house that is known for her hospitality.

Read more

On August 31, 2020 By In Family and Children

The Case for Children in Worship, Final

Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

It’s time to say good-bye to our short series on children in worship. Some of you have raised important questions, but at the end, the majority of them stemmed from a deep concern about practical issues, rather than particular biblical interpretation. These are always legitimate unless one is stuck on the exceptions rather than the ordinary and objective imperatives of the Bible.

Having worked on some of the rationale from the Scriptures, it’s time to offer some practical wisdom for those who are open to the practice of keeping children in worship from the beginning to the end. The following is an insert we offer our congregation. I will place a link in the comment section of the document in case you wish to print it.

Children in the Worship Service

You shall rejoice before the Lord your God, you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant, the Levite who is within your gates, the stranger and the fatherless and the widow who are among you, at the place where the Lord your God chooses to make His name abide. (Deuteronomy 16:11-12)

But Jesus called them to Him and said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is
the kingdom of God.” (Luke 18:16-17)

One of the greatest joys for Christians is to come into the presence of God for worship together as families. As members of God’s covenant household, our children are both commanded and permitted to participate in worship with the community of the redeemed. Worship is not something that comes naturally, which means we must work hard to learn it well. Training our children to worship the Lord is one of the responsibilities of parents. We offer this as an aid to parents as they help their little ones under their charge to come into the presence of God with joy and celebration of His grace in their lives.

We need to be patient with one another, understanding that the children are learning to participate with us in worship. We need to be willing to allow for a certain amount of noise and distraction when children are present. Parents are often aware when their little ones are being too loud or making it difficult for those around them to worship. Use your good judgment and if necessary, you may want to take the child out of the service for a time, but please bring him/her back in after they calm down. Worship offers us various opportunities to learn and train one another in virtuous habits, and the process is never simple, but we are beneficiaries of the blessings of perseverance.

Prepare Your Child for Worship

~ Try to come to worship with a relaxed and joyful attitude. Your children reflect the attitude that you have as you come to worship. Avoid being rushed and tense before church. Take time on Saturday to prepare for the Lord’s Day, so that you can worship without undue care and concern.

~ Help your children to think about their lives throughout the week. They should be taught to come to worship thankful for God’s blessings and eager to confess their sins and receive assurance of forgiveness from Him.

~ Teach and practice regular elements of the service such as the hymns/psalms, the Lord’s Prayer, the Nicene Creed, and the Gloria Patri at home together. Children love to participate in worship, especially in those parts they know and understand.

~ Allow time for your children to use the bathroom and get a drink before the worship service begins.

~ Help them to get a copy of the order of worship and to understand how to use it. Explain how they can be actively participating in worship.

~ Positively reinforce behavior by your attention to your child. If you have lots of little ones, you may want to have single adults or older teenagers sit with you to help. This will emphasize that all believers are in the Lord’s family.

Help Your Child During Worship

~ Encourage your child to participate with the congregation in standing, sitting, reading, praying, and confessing and responding appropriately to hymns and Scriptural readings.

~ Encourage your children to be attentive to certain elements in the sermon. Begin habits of conversation about the sermon on your way back home and make it a regular topic of discussion at the dinner table.

~ Help your child to participate by making sure he has his own offering, no matter how small. This helps him understand that he must give not only his tithes and offerings to the Lord but also himself.

~ During the Lord’s Supper, help your children joyfully participate in the passing of the peace and remind them of the promises Jesus makes to the little children, for unto such belong the kingdom of heaven.

Read more

On August 29, 2020 By In Family and Children

The Case for Keeping Children in Worship, Part 6

Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

We love our children! We love being with them when they wake up and we love their snuggles at night before bed. There are so many magical moments of parenting. But let the parent who speaks always smilingly of parenting throw the first stone! Don’t tell me you don’t long for that bed time with fierce determination; don’t tell me you don’t long for some precious time with your spouse!? Don’ tell me you don’t long for conversations with big people for a change?

We shouldn’t feel guilty about this…no, not once. We pour our hearts into our little ones, but if sleep cycles didn’t exist, none of us would be a parent for longer than a week. In much of our conversation about parenting, we tend to fall into pious overload-mode and treat parenting as if it were so easy that anyone could do it well with a little prep time and a few tips from our favorite parenting guru. But anyone putting on their reality glasses understands that parenting is much more complicated, and that we need additional times when life isn’t a liturgy of diapers and breaking up squabbles and cleaning mushed green beans from the floor.

I have thus far encouraged parents to keep their squiggly bundle of energy with them during the entire service. Aren’t I asking for a little too much? Shouldn’t I be content with simply allowing parents to enjoy a precious 75-90 minutes of pure and uninterrupted bliss of worship without keeping them on their feet…again on the Lord’s Day?

I promise I am not a tyrant; I am a benevolent pastor who sees your woes because I am fairly self-aware of the work I do as a father and the double/triple work my wife does when I leave those doors to the office in the morning and the remarkable job a single mom does who doesn’t have that additional voice to harmonize her strategies.

So, the final argument essentially ponders why a parent would have to sacrifice fellowship time catching up with good friends for an additional hour of navigating the wants of tiny people who incidentally want a lot. The answer is that we need to view our worship service as fellowship with the Triune God who invites our little children to come unto Him. Ultimately, that is worship.

There are plenty of opportunities for more substantial fellowship that will require some sacrifice. Perhaps dad stays home a night or two while mom spends some time with friends and vice-versa. We should allow Sundays to function as a day where we fellowship in a unique way (in the context of worship), but build the rationale for fellowship in a more intimate way outside the Sunday environment. As a pastor, I usually have 20-25 different conversations before and after worship, but none of them are substantive normally. Usually there is a lot of catching up, and if there is a need for something more intimate, a parishioner and I will come to an agreement about what day to meet and discuss certain matters.

Similarly, Sunday should function not as a time to have real conversations that must exclude children, but it should be used as an opportunity to make plans to meet at a more favorable environment. Again, children shouldn’t be a hindrance to such fellowship. Certain phases of life mean that our conversations take place in a particular way. I often say that parents fellowship on the basis of fragmented sentences. We have this unique opportunity to begin conversations and then continue them 10 minutes later after dealing with whatever “emergency” our children may have.

In sum, I firmly believe that none of these reasons should distract us from a healthy community life, and in fact, children provide an abundance of opportunities for beautiful learning and growing together in grace in the context of worship and fellowship.

Read more

On August 28, 2020 By In Discipleship, Family and Children

The Case for Keeping Children in Worship, Part 5

Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

What I have discovered as a father of five children under the age of 12 is that children have an enormous capacity for repetition. My little 2-year old would have us read him the same book seventy times seven. Chesterton opined about this when he wrote that “Children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead.” I have nearly died many times, and my sweet wife is on her third resurrection.

Children like to do things again which means that for churches to invest in them, a congregational liturgy needs to keep in mind the repetitive nature of the faith. Israel’s history teaches us that repetitive faith passed down to our children and our children’s children (Deut. 6).

Our children are not in need of novelty; they are not in need for more entertainment, they are in need of a substantive faith that pushes them further in their stories. It is okay for a 2 year-old to be singing “Holy, Holy, Holy” because God is holy and that child needs to sing truth even if he does not grasp the majestic purity of God’s wonder and grace. But again, do any of us truly grasp it?

When I hear a little one singing along to “Holy, Holy, Holy,” I am experiencing as a pastor and the same for parishioners, something sublime. Out of the mouth of babes and infants (Ps. 8), that child is declaring the deep praises of God. Why should he only need to express minimal truths outside the assembly and why should the assembly of grown-ups have that luxury alone? What makes the older disciples any more capable of expressing praises to God than the little ones? After all, Jesus rebuked his own disciples for operating on that basis (Mat. 18-19).

The third argument often used against the keeping of children in worship is that we need a more specific didactic focus for our children. In essence, keeping kids in worship with parents is a waste of time since they will get nothing out of it. “They are, after all, children, and lack the capacity to grasp the language of a worship service.” Therefore, there is a need for a more child-appropriate classroom setting. This is likely the more common argument and one based on concern for the learning process of children.

I will stress once again what has been stated before. The worship service is not a classroom; it is an experience in God’s story that runs through the Gospel narrative. Any worship service that reserves the Gospel story only for the sermon is missing the opportunity to accentuate God’s proclamation throughout. This leads to another common problem: we have often made the worship service into a competition in note-taking. However important the task of taking notes may be (and it can be helpful, especially for older kids), we need to be cautious not to equate taking notes or listening to a sermon as the worship service itself. I am all in favor of Christian education classes before or after worship where more in-depth training can take place, but here we are talking about the mandated act of worshiping which is not an act of mind only, but soul and body.

If worship becomes a classroom, it’s not wonder that we have allergic reactions to the idea that children should sit with us from beginning to end. The little children I know quickly embrace the repetitive nature of the Gloria Patri or the Doxology or the Sanctus or the Three-Fold Amen or throw in another other aspect of church rhythms. They don’t complain, but they will often say, “Do it again!” It is true that the difficulties increase if you are part of a congregation where the structure of worship changes from week to week, but it can be done because in every service there are repetitive elements; and those can be stressed and memorized easily.

The concern for instruction at the level of little children is only a concern if one views worship as secondary to the shaping of our children’s minds. But God has said again and again that worship is formational and there is no greater formative time in the life of a human than when he is small. We want our habits formed by rituals/habits no matter how complex initially, and the worship service provides not just ordinary rituals/habits, but holy formative acts that change and mold us into a better humanity in Jesus Christ and our children should partake of this joy with us

Read more

On August 17, 2020 By In Church, Family and Children

The Case for Keeping Children in Worship, Part 1

Read Introduction

The Bible and Children

I wanted to begin this series by offering a quick biblical rationale for the importance of children. It doesn’t seem necessary, since their cuteness speaks for itself, but it seems that establishing this foundation will set the stage for more difficult conversations later.

The Bible speaks of children over 1,100 times and in most cases as something to be desired (Ps. 128), other times in the context of sadness for not being able to bear (Gen.11:30), and other times as promises (Gen. 17), and then in the New Testament as those who are objects of wrath from tyrants (Mat. 2:13) and then later as recipients of Jesus’ love (Mat. 19). Sometimes they are a grief (Gen. 4), but in most cases they are signs of blessings (Ps. 102:28).

When I was a pastoral intern, I remember someone approaching me after a service and confessing that she simply couldn’t tolerate little children in worship because of their noises. “They were a distraction,” she said angrily. I often think this is the way many evangelicals view children: as distractions. They are distractions at home, so we find ways to entertain them rather than engage them. They are a distraction at church, so we find ways to keep them busy outside the gathered assembly. As we will note, there are other concerns in mind, but the evangelical church has unwittingly affirmed the premise that children are a distraction and something needs to be done about it during the worship service.

In the Gospels, the disciples rebuked our Lord because they believed that the children were a distraction to Jesus’ “real” ministry (Mat. 19:13). But Jesus rebuked the disciples and said his ministry is to draw little children to him and to build a kingdom through the faith of those little disciples.

The Fruitfulness of Parenting

Being a parent is one of the hardest tasks ever given to men. It is also one of the areas where the Spirit speaks most decisively in giving detailed instruction (Deut. 6). Idealistic parents quickly fall into reality that first week when they take their new-born home. I remember that scene when I pulled up the van, and my wife was carefully wheeled to the van where I picked up my little girl, and meticulously plugged her into the baby car seat. I never drove so slow and so tense in my life. I literally had this thought as I drove off: “I have a human being in the car that is fully dependent on me. I don’t know if I am ready!” But that child was entrusted to these parents, and since that is the case, we now have a distinct duty to train her in the education of God (Eph. 6:4).

Like anything we are called to steward and love, it will demand our soul. Children are a blessing from the Lord, which means that we need to view them as such. They are not vipers in diapers (to quote a famous author), they are worshipers in diapers, then they are worshipers who can potty on their own, sit on their own, sing on their own, raise their hands on their own, eat on their own, confess on their own, and then one day, produce a new cycle of worshipers in diapers.

When we send our children to another gathering away from Jesus’ central gathering in worship, we are creating a separate class within Jesus’ earthly kingdom. Even though our intentions may be pure, we may be thinking as the disciples did and thereby missing the opportunity for Jesus to place his hands upon them and bless them with His love (Mat. 19:15). The journey is not meant to be easy, but like any faith-journey, it will be rewarding. I propose that keeping children in the worship service from beginning to the benediction is the most biblically satisfying and fruitful task you can embrace as a parent on the Lord’s Day.

Read more

On August 15, 2020 By In Family and Children

The Case for Keeping Children in Worship, Intro

I want to appeal to evangelicals who do not accept the premise that children belong in worship with adults. Now, I grant that I am in the minority position here. The majority of evangelicals may find the idea of children in worship from beginning to end a rather strange concept and so I want to tread cautiously. Some are legitimately intrigued by the idea but find the practicalities of it unsustainable. And, we should also affirm the obvious legitimacy of the need for places where nursing, comforting, disciplining can take place.

To elaborate further, over the years I have heard parents offer at least four arguments against keeping children in worship with them on Sunday. First, some will argue, “I can’t keep my children quiet during worship, therefore I don’t see the need to keep them with me.” The argument posits that the demands of disciplining and watching over little ones during the worship service ultimately does not bear any benefits.

Second, some will state, “I am not going to get anything out of the service if I am constantly distracted by them.” This is a variation of the first argument, but it adds that since the sermon is the central element of worship, keeping children in worship takes our attention away from the preached Word.

Third, a few will express a more didactic concern that keeping kids in worship with parents is a waste of time since they will get nothing out of it. “They are, after all, children, and lack the capacity to grasp the language of a worship service.” Therefore, there is a need for a more child-appropriate classroom setting. This is likely the more common argument and one based on concern for the learning process of children.

Finally, at a more pragmatic level, I am aware of evangelical parents who view Sunday morning as a day to relax from parental duties and catch up with church friends, so putting kids in children’s worship provides the needed rest for weary parents. This is not based on selfishness, but a real need to fellowship with other saints which is a biblical imperative.

I am certain there are additional reasons, but these are a few that I hope to tackle in upcoming posts in the hope of beginning a conversation on why I and so many others have faithfully kept our children in worship Sunday after Sunday until they leave the home.

I don’t want to minimize these concerns, but I do wish to say that the experience of many of us has been overwhelmingly positive. In my denomination, this premise is accepted universally, but for those outside such traditions I want to at least make the case that the fruit of seeing our little ones grow up worshiping next to us and singing our songs and confessing sins have brought a greater value to worship, provided unity in liturgical language, consistency in habits of piety, and abundant joy to family conversations around a meal.

My initial premise is that when conversing with parents that are skeptical about the above proposition, we need an extra dose of grace and we must refuse to treat the process as if it were some “walk in the park “(which incidentally is also quite hard with little kids), but to affirm the inherent difficulties of raising little ones in the nurture and admonition of the Lord in the worship of the Lord. I also hope to make these short notes accessible so you can pass them to friends as conversation starters, and hopefully conclude with some practical steps for applying these principles peacefully in congregations where this is not practiced.

Read more