“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer evil.”
~Proverbs 13.20
Though “influencer” has been practically coined in recent years with the rise of social media’s vast number of personalities, the concept is nothing new. We have always had these types in marketing or the latest gurus who gain popularity by promising the good life to those who buy what they are selling, follow their teaching, or, most of the time, both. Influencers, as we now understand them, are celebrities, real or perceived experts, popular social media personalities, and content creators who can separate you from your money and/or change how you think and act. From the Kardashians to Jordan Peterson, influencers affect our lives. They may not affect our lives directly, but they indirectly shape our lives by shaping the culture.
Influencers have always been around. Other people influence our thinking and affections from the time we are born until the time we die. Whether parents, peers, or potentates, our hearts are shaped by our relationships. This is why we must be vigilant in guarding our hearts by guarding our friendships.
There is a spectrum of friendships. From the cordial acquaintance you have with your mechanic to the intimacy of a spouse, “friend” is not limited to one particular kind of relationship. A marriage can be called a friendship, according to Song of Songs 5.16, or a friend may be the stranger you help on the side of the road who has been left for dead by thieves (Lk 10.29-37). When God commanded, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” in Leviticus 19.18, the word “neighbor” may also be translated as companion or friend. Consequently, a friend is anyone to whom we owe love, which is everyone made in God’s image … which is everyone.
However, there are differences in intimacy within these broader understandings of friends. Sometimes translators bring this out when they consider the context and add adjectives such as “intimate friend” (Pr 7.4), “close friend” (Ps 41.9), or “familiar friend” (Ps 55.13). We are called to be friendly to everyone, but intimate friendships are reserved for a select few.
There are people with whom we may be cordial, but we remain emotionally distant because we know it is wise not to become too emotionally involved with the person, investing ourselves in him/her. This instinct is correct. Your intimate friends are influencers, influencing the way you think, what you desire, what you love, and what you do. Consequently, you must guard yourself against becoming too close to fools.
Close friends are those whose souls are connected. Richard Plass and James Coefield, in their book The Relational Soul, characterize friendship as a “soulful relationship.” Aristotle recognized this and answered, “What is a friend?” with “A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” Both of these reflect the intimate friendship of David and Jonathan described in 1Samuel 18.1: “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” There is a dynamic between intimate friends that can’t be fully explained, but they begin sharing a heart that directs the way each one of them thinks, feels, desires, and acts. Because you are to guard your heart with all vigilance (Pr 4.23), you must entangle your soul with the right people. “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer evil” (Pr 13.20). Those with whom you share life will determine your character and your destiny.
You are to make friends with the wise so that you may grow in wisdom. Who are the wise? Since the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom (Pr 1.7; 9.10; Ps 111.10), the wise are faithful Christians who have their lives ordered correctly through good disciplines. They walk in wisdom, resisting temptation. If and when they fall, they rise each time to become wiser and more resolved (see Pr 24.16). Whether you are looking for a mentor or a peer, wisdom should characterize his life. Even if your friend is a younger disciple, he should demonstrate the drive and desire to be wise. If any of them choose the way of the fool, they should know they are choosing to reject you as a friend.
Fools for friends at whatever level should be avoided. Guard your heart. Our hearts hunger for these relationships, and for several reasons, people are starving. Consequently, men and women will latch on to one-sided fan-boy or fan-girl-type relationships with popular influencers. Young men look to Andrew Tate, Rollo Tomassi, Joe Rogan, and others because they aren’t afraid of “masculinity” and have responded to the ill effects of Feminism, quite frankly, better than most of the Christian church. These men encourage hard work, being financially successful and, thus, uncancellable, physically fit, having a bigger mission than getting a woman, and many other things. Because they are starving, they entangle their hearts with these men picking a great deal of bad with a little bit of good. Women do the same. The alpha female who is a sleazy sex object or even the high-power female executive who can do anything a man can do capture affections. They begin to dress, talk, and relate to men like these women do.
You must guard your heart against being entangled with the wrong sorts of influencers and positively pursue wise friends. Influencers will shape your heart, which will shape your character, which will shape your destiny.
Photo by George Pagan III on Unsplash
