The Wonder of Attraction

“Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not know: the way of an eagle in the heavens, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the heart of the sea, and the way of a man with a maiden.”

~Proverbs 30.18-19

When you first see her in the crowd, she catches your eye. You wonder who she is, so you ask people about her. As you mill about in other conversations, you constantly scan the room to find out where she is, wondering if she has noticed you. You are nervous about talking to her, but you summon the willpower knowing rejection is better than regret. As you approach her, you notice that she becomes a little fidgety herself, involuntarily giving a little grin with a blush and a concern about her appearance. Your heart rates increase, and your minds are singularly focused on one another, blocking out everything and everyone in the room. You are attracted to one another. Much more must be learned about one another to sustain and mature this attraction, but the dance has begun.

Why her? Why him? Why didn’t you feel this way around other people in the crowd or other people you’ve met in various situations? Ahhh, the wonder and mystery of attraction. Some aspects of attraction are quite obvious, but some we will never grasp. This intersexual dance is a beautiful feature of God’s created design and an integral aspect of fulfilling the mission God gave us.

One aim of Solomon in Proverbs is to teach his son to choose wise companions, the chief of whom will be his wife. The king-in-waiting is a new Adam, who, unlike the first Adam, has choices between women. He must choose wisely, disciplining his attractions. Nevertheless, attraction is integral to choosing a spouse.

Many have fruitfully studied the laws of attraction. However, intersexual attraction’s creation of unions is quite natural. Building up to the wonder of “the way of a man with a maiden,” Agur (the author of the proverbs in Proverbs 30) speaks of three things too wonderful for him: the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent on the rock, and the way of a ship in the sea. The wonder is in the effortlessness of how each does what seems terribly difficult. The eagle doesn’t know physics so he can calculate speed and lift. He glides on the air without effort. The serpent, without hands and feet, climbs rocks easily. Though weighing tons, the ship sails effortlessly over the sea that consumes objects of lesser sizes and weights. The eagle and the serpent are designed directly by God. The ship is a product of dominion, man recognizing and submitting to God’s created design and creatively working with the grain of creation. We study each of these phenomena, learning much about and from them, but the wonder never ceases.

So it is with attraction, the fourth and climatic wonder. Since the beginning of time, men and women have naturally sought to be attractive to one another. Intersexual attraction is rooted in our created purpose for one another. In the words of that great philosopher, Rocky Balboa, we were made to fill one another’s gaps. Attraction is what we are drawn to as beautiful and somehow useful to us. God created the man with needs that can only be met by a woman, and he created the woman with needs that can only be met by a man. When we see the qualities in the opposite sex that can potentially meet those needs, we are drawn to them.

God created the man with a mission. Man can’t fulfill that mission alone, so God provided a helper comparable to him to fulfill that need. Intersexual attraction is rooted in our fundamental need to complete this mission.

Women are attracted to men with purpose and direction. These men may not have accomplished much yet, but they demonstrate potential. The man’s mission can be summarized from Genesis 2:15: “Work and guard the garden.” When God made the woman, he made her as a part of the garden to be tended and guarded with the garden (see Song 4:12; 5:1). To fulfill this mission, a man must develop strength, physical, intellectual, mental, financial, and social. When these qualities are evident, especially when other men recognize and respect them, women are attracted to him. He demonstrates that he can meet her needs for protection and provision.

Men are attracted to women who meet their needs in this mission. The woman is the glory of the man (1 Cor 11:7). Whatever else glory is, it is beautiful in appearance. Men prioritize appearance in women. This is not shallow. Certain features of women display their health in aiding men in being fruitful in multiplying. If a woman doesn’t care for herself physically, she displays signs of being unhealthy and slothful. The man needs help, and she doesn’t fit the bill.

Looks aren’t everything for a man. A competent woman with skills is emotionally strong, and can contribute to building a household that goes beyond physically bearing children maintains attraction.

Everything I have said (and more) has been understood for millennia, being as natural breathing. These dynamics of attraction are typical and operate seemingly effortlessly between the sexes as each sex submits to God’s created design. We’ve read it in stories, seen it in movies, heard it in songs, and laughed about it as comedians accentuate the obvious. We should seek to uncover the mysteries that God has hidden (Prov 25:2) so that we can focus on bettering ourselves and combat the lies of the world around us. But much of this comes wonderfully naturally and only needs to be guided in the proper direction. Generations of good marriages began and continued without scads of books on marriage or marriage counselors telling men and women these obvious truths. They were like the eagle, the serpent, and the ship that did what they were created to do.

Photo by Vera Arsic at pexels.com