“The satisfied soul tramples the honeycomb but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.”
~Proverbs 27.7
“Toxic” is a word that is overused and often misused in cultural conversations—any discomfort in any relationship, whether casual or intimate, may be characterized as toxic. You said something with which I disagree and hurt my feelings, so I now characterize you and my relationship with you as toxic. Toxic masculinity is all the rage for any male who demonstrates any traits of masculinity at all. If you want to shut down any meaningful, intellectual, and logical debate, label your interlocuter “toxic.” This is as bad as being a “racist” or “abusive,” also overused and misused.
The reaction may be that there is no such thing as a toxic relationship. However, the abuse of a word doesn’t negate its legitimacy. Some relationships are toxic, and Solomon warns his son about toxic companions.
Proverbs 27.7 says, “The satisfied soul tramples the honeycomb but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” This proverb is situated in a context that deals with friendships. Though the underlying principle may be applied to many areas of life, Solomon’s focus appears to be caution in how we approach seeking friendships. Some people are poison for our souls.
The first half of the proverb states a general principle that can be taken in one of two related ways. The more common translation is that the satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb. When you are completely full after Thanksgiving dinner, the pecan (pronounced “pi-‘kän”) pie that appealed to you so much before dinner doesn’t appeal to you anymore. Indeed, the thought of eating another bite almost makes you sick. When a person is satisfied, completely sated, not even pleasant things appeal to him. He has everything he needs, so he doesn’t look for something else.
If a man is satisfied with his wife, a wife is satisfied with her husband, or a close friend is satisfied with his/her friend, they don’t leave the relationship. Nothing out there appeals to them, no matter how sweet it looks.
There is another way to see this. Solomon uses a violent metaphor that is more literally translated: the satisfied soul tramples the honeycomb. It is one thing for the honeycomb or the pecan pie not to appeal to you at the moment. It is another thing altogether to hate it to the point of destroying it. The honeycomb and pecan pie are good, but you may become so immersed in and satisfied with evil or bitter things that you will destroy what is good. Not only do you not want what is good, you believe that what is evil is good, so you destroy what is good.
A man may have a great marriage but desires another woman and eventually commits adultery. He becomes consumed with his paramour and despises his marriage. A woman may have a great husband, but she attaches emotionally to another man leading her to commit adultery, and now she despises her husband. Your friend may be wise, but the bad boy or bad girl is exciting and captures your attention so that your wise friend becomes contemptible. The diet of your soul determines your appetite for good and evil. You can become so filled up with evil in a relationship that you call good evil and evil good. In this case, you are the toxic one, and you are poisoning your own soul.
The second half of the proverb emphasizes starvation in contrast with satisfaction in the first half. You may be so hungry that you will take anything. A starving man will feed from trash cans. You desire companionship so severely that you make having a companion the be-all-end-all that becomes an idol. Your life depends on having a companion, and you will do anything to get one and take the first one that shows any interest.
Many a person has ruined themselves because of desperation like this. Father hunger drives young men to seek out father figures who may be bad examples but are there for them. Father hunger drives young women to give themselves to men, seeking any masculine affection and leadership. You may even be a little odd, an ugly duckling of sorts, either physically or socially. Instead of working yourself, you find other people who are also slothful and proclaim that their oddities are beautiful. You attach yourself to this person or group to feel accepted despite the destructive nature of the relationship. The oddities and their destruction spiral downward. You and your friends become more odd and take pride in it. You get weird piercings, tattoos, and even completely mutilate yourself to be accepted in a group. To a hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet.
We are all hungry for companionship. We are created in the image of a God who exists in eternal companionship, so our appetite is God-given. But our appetites must be disciplined to consume a proper diet because these relationships shape our hearts, character, and, ultimately, our destiny. Recognize the toxicity in your own heart, the draw to have what you shouldn’t, discipline it through the means of grace, and avoid those relationships that encourage you to feed on poison.
Photo by danilo.alvesd on Unsplash
