What Is Forgiveness?

Central to the Christian faith stands the images of the cross and an empty tomb, which is the end of our journey during this Lenten season. The breach between God and man created by the sin of the first Adam is remedied through the last Adam taking upon himself the burden of the consequences of sin so that all of creation and especially man himself might be released from sin’s penalty and power. In short, in the cross and resurrection, Jesus accomplished the forgiveness of sins. The message of the apostles was consistent that the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed in Christ because he secured it through his shed blood and resurrection (cf. Ac 5.31; 13.38; 26.18; Rom 4.25; Eph 1.7; Col 1.14). Now, as we are baptized into Christ, Peter says, we are baptized for the forgiveness of our sins (Ac 2.38). Forgiveness of sins is central to the gospel of Christ.

Forgiveness is not only a privilege to enjoy, but, once received, it becomes a calling to be lived. As renewed images of God in Christ, we are to consciously take on the character of our forgiving God, learning how to practice the craft of forgiveness. Only as we live this way will we be able to live together as faithful people of God. In our present cultural climate where there is no forgiveness because of skin color, social status, or a myriad of other things, only perpetual guilt and division, it is incumbent upon Christians to learn of and practice the grace of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is easy enough to define: the refusal to exact revenge or demand payment on a legitimate debt. However, as I mentioned in my first article, while we have the basic tool of forgiveness from our youngest years, as we grow and our relationships become more complex, we must learn to be more skillful in using it so as to build or re-build relationships. There are times when extending the grace of forgiveness is fairly simple. Someone says something rude, immediately asks for forgiveness, and it is granted. All is well. At other times, forgiveness can be more complex. If you are dealing with abuse or abandonment issues that have left someone deeply scared and shaped the way they think about themselves, then forgiveness will take on a different shape though the fundamentals remain the same.

We are not blocks of wood or machines that are easily fixed. We are not walking syllogisms so that “c” always follows “a” and “b.” This is not to excuse the lack of forgiveness. Refusing to forgive is a sin. But it is to understand that relationships are not always as simple as “forgive and move on.” Throughout these articles, I hope to help you wield the tool of forgiveness so that you will become more skilled in the craft of forgiveness.

There are some basics to forgiveness that need to be settled. First …

1. Forgiveness involves the recognition of legitimate debt.

Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” There are many allusions to the year of Jubilee and Sabbath years in these words, but they also recognize that debt, at its root, is a relational issue and not merely a cold, monetary exchange. Sin involves not fulfilling a commitment or obligation. It is falling short and puts me in debt to God and/or others. Debt in terms of sin means that I have not fulfilled my commitments.

To know whether or not forgiveness is necessary, you must understand if there is a real debt. Are these your unrealistic expectations? Do you not like the other person’s personality? Or has the person actually sinned against you? The debt must be the failure to live up to mutual commitments.

2. Forgiveness is a release from debt and new life.

Breaches in relationships bring about a form of death for the relationship, creating an unhealthy tension or hostility between you and the other person. Forgiveness is a means to restore those bonds because it removes the debt so that the relationship can enter into a new life. There may be lingering feelings and issues of trust that must be worked out over time, but forgiveness is the necessary beginning for the process of reconciliation and new life.

3. Forgiveness is costly.

When someone doesn’t fulfill his obligations in a relationship, someone will have to bear that burden. Some debts are larger than others, so forgiveness in some situations is easier to grant than it is in other situations. But forgiveness costs the forgiver something rightfully owed him and becomes a burden that he must bear. As God in Christ forgave us by bearing our debt, so for us to forgive others will cost us to one degree or another.

4. Forgiveness is a way of life.

Forgiveness of our sins shaped God’s own life in relationship to us so that everything he did and does moves him toward reconciliation with us and the fullness of a relationship of peace that he intended. God forgave us of our sins through the shed blood of Christ on the cross (Eph 1.7). Now, renewed in his image, we share his character and are to be forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven us (Eph 4.22-24, 32). In denying ourselves, taking up our crosses, and following Jesus, forgiveness is a habit of the cruciform life. In living with one another as sinners before the resurrection, there will always be the opportunity to extend the grace of forgiveness.

5. Forgiveness is the facilitator of peace in relationships.

Peace between us is our aim. In a world of sin, forgiveness is a means to that end. The gracious disposition and acts of forgiveness provide the environment for healthy relationships. Forgiveness pulls the weeds, thorns, and thistles so that the soil is not depleted and there is room for healthy growth.

6. Forgiveness is complex.

Complex is not the same as complicated. The opening and closing of your hand are complex, involving all sorts of brain, nerve, blood, muscle, and bone interactions. However, in a healthy person, the movement of the hand is not complicated.

Relationships are like this. Communication involves factors of personality, how I’m feeling at the moment, the way I was brought up to speak and hear things, and many other factors. Communication is complex. But in healthy relationships, it is not necessarily complicated.

There are many factors involved in forgiveness. There are no one-size-fits-all templates to layover every situation. It is not mechanical but personal and relational, which means that you must consider various factors about yourself and the other person when deciding what shape forgiveness needs to take in a given situation.

The complexities of our relationships demand disciplines that cultivate discernment so that we may determine what the best tools are to use in a given circumstance. This life is not always easy, but because of the promise of God in Christ, it always leads to life.