Bill Smith, Author at Kuyperian Commentary

On August 3, 2023 By Bill Smith In Men, Wisdom, Women Like

The Wonder of Attraction

“Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not know: the way of an eagle in the heavens, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the heart of the sea, and the way of a man with a maiden.”
~Proverbs 30.18-19

When you first see her in the crowd, she catches your eye. You wonder who she is, so you ask people about her. As you mill about in other conversations, you constantly scan the room to find out where she is, wondering if she has noticed you. You are nervous about talking to her, but you summon the willpower knowing rejection is better than regret. As you approach her, you notice that she becomes a little fidgety herself, involuntarily giving a little grin with a blush and a concern about her appearance. Your heart rates increase, and your minds are singularly focused on one another, blocking out everything and everyone in the room. You are attracted to one another. Much more must be learned about one another to sustain and mature this attraction, but the dance has begun.

Why her? Why him? Why didn’t you feel this way around other people in the crowd or other people you’ve met in various situations? Ahhh, the wonder and mystery of attraction. Some aspects of attraction are quite obvious, but some we will never grasp. This intersexual dance is a beautiful feature of God’s created design and an integral aspect of fulfilling the mission God gave us.

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On July 27, 2023 By Bill Smith In Discipleship, Wisdom 1

Loyalty

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born of adversity.”
~Proverbs 17.17

“Friends” aren’t difficult to find in our modern world. Say something spicy online or reveal yourself inappropriately, and people will flock to you, “friending” or following you. If you are extremely popular, you will have no lack of sycophants who believe everything you post is “fire” and will dote all over you, trying to get your attention and share in your perceived or real power. Finding good friends, those who genuinely know you and not only your online presence, who will be loyal to you in good times and bad, who will make sustained efforts to maintain a close friendship, and who will call you out when you’re stupid despite your fame, those types of friends are rare jewels. They are difficult to find but priceless.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born of adversity” (Pr 17.17). As Solomon wrote this, “at all times” stands at the beginning of the sentence to emphasize the unshakeable loyalty of genuine, close friends. “All times” means precisely that: all times. These are good times and bad times, times when you are up and times when you are down, times when you are pleasant and times when you are unpleasant, times when you have an abundance to give and times when you have nothing to offer, times when you are well and times when you are ill. A friend loves you in all these times. He is loyal.

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On July 19, 2023 By Bill Smith In Men, Women Like

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

In 1989 the Rob Reiner movie When Harry Met Sally starring Billy Crystal as Harry Burns and Meg Ryan as Sally Albright hit the screens. There is a popular scene from that movie that exposed something that many people won’t say: men and women can’t be friends. Harry and Sally are riding in a car together talking. Harry explains to Sally that men and women can’t be friends because the issue of sex always gets in the way. Sally incredulously and in shock tells Harry that this isn’t true. She has a number of men friends, and the desire for sex is not involved. Harry disagrees with her, and the conversation ensues.

Rob Reiner and his characters are no biblical scholars to be sure. What they expound as truth certainly needs to be tested. Is it true that men and women can’t be friends; that is, that intersexual friendships are very different than same sex friendships? I actually think Harry Burns is on to something. I believe that although the sexual relations issue is one of the biggest issues in intersexual relationships, it is certainly not the only one.

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On June 28, 2023 By Bill Smith In Discipleship, Men, Wisdom, Women 1

Toxic Friendships

“The satisfied soul tramples the honeycomb but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.”
~Proverbs 27.7

“Toxic” is a word that is overused and often misused in cultural conversations—any discomfort in any relationship, whether casual or intimate, may be characterized as toxic. You said something with which I disagree and hurt my feelings, so I now characterize you and my relationship with you as toxic. Toxic masculinity is all the rage for any male who demonstrates any traits of masculinity at all. If you want to shut down any meaningful, intellectual, and logical debate, label your interlocuter “toxic.” This is as bad as being a “racist” or “abusive,” also overused and misused.

The reaction may be that there is no such thing as a toxic relationship. However, the abuse of a word doesn’t negate its legitimacy. Some relationships are toxic, and Solomon warns his son about toxic companions.

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On June 22, 2023 By Bill Smith In Discipleship, Men, Theology, Wisdom, Women Like

Influencers

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer evil.”
~Proverbs 13.20

Though “influencer” has been practically coined in recent years with the rise of social media’s vast number of personalities, the concept is nothing new. We have always had these types in marketing or the latest gurus who gain popularity by promising the good life to those who buy what they are selling, follow their teaching, or, most of the time, both. Influencers, as we now understand them, are celebrities, real or perceived experts, popular social media personalities, and content creators who can separate you from your money and/or change how you think and act. From the Kardashians to Jordan Peterson, influencers affect our lives. They may not affect our lives directly, but they indirectly shape our lives by shaping the culture.

Influencers have always been around. Other people influence our thinking and affections from the time we are born until the time we die. Whether parents, peers, or potentates, our hearts are shaped by our relationships. This is why we must be vigilant in guarding our hearts by guarding our friendships.

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On June 15, 2023 By Bill Smith In Culture, Discipleship, Men, Theology, Wisdom, Women Like

Why Friends?

“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he quarrels against all wise judgment.”
~Proverbs 18.1

We need friends. Whether same-sex comradery or the intimacy of marriage, we need to know and be known by others.

Friendships at every level have faced challenges in every age of history. Twenty-first century Western culture is no different. Though the challenges take different forms, genuine friendships are threatened by a number of cultural factors. The way we understand friendships is changing rapidly. We are more connected with people and less relational. We are friends with hundreds or thousands but with few or any in particular. Technology changes the way we relate. The telegraph gave us information about people thousands of miles away with whom we had no connection and contributed to desensitizing us. (See Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves To Death.) The blessing of air conditioning holed us up in our homes and made it uncomfortable to visit with neighbors. Television became a source of entertainment and information tempted us not to interact with the people in our homes.

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On June 8, 2023 By Bill Smith In Theology, Wisdom Like

Sovereign Wisdom

All of us, to one degree or another, fear the loss of control. We want things to go the way we want them to go. We want to control what is around us so that we can be free from anxiety, and the only way we can be free from anxiety is if everything around us is operating as we think it ought to work.

One temptation that we face when studying Proverbs is thinking that if we master its principles, precepts, and commands, achieving wisdom, we will have the control that we crave. Our wisdom can be used as a lever to get every desired result. If we rightly order our speech, we will persuade others irresistibly to conform to our way of seeing things. If we do what is right, work hard, and work honestly, everything will fall into place. If we are wise husbands and wives, our marriages will be trouble-free. If we parent wisely, our children will move uninterruptedly to perfect maturity. Wisdom is the key to absolute control over everything in my life. If I don’t have absolute control, then I must strive for more wisdom so that I may have absolute control.

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On June 1, 2023 By Bill Smith In Discipleship, Wisdom 1

Backsliding

“The backslider in heart is filled with his ways and a good man with his.”
~Proverbs 14.14

It’s really no big deal. A lingering fantasy. A cherished secret hidden from your spouse. A lack of hunger for what is good but an increasing appetite for that which God forbids. Decreased vigilance in guarding your heart, allowing your eyes and ears to let the enemies through the gates. It all begins small … dullness, apathy, refusal to fight, and the appeal of the forbidden. “This compromise won’t hurt,” you think to yourself. You deserve a rest from the fight. You have been patient up to this point and still don’t have the life you want. You need relief from the stress.

Apostasy, rejection of the faith, doesn’t begin with one giant leap off a cliff. Solomon describes this person as “one who turns in his heart” or, as it is popularly translated, “the backslider in heart” (Pr 14.14). Turning from the faith begins with the affections of the heart; a man is a “backslider in heart” before he is a backslider in deed. The sequence is well-summarized by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” The seeds you plant and cultivate in your heart, good or bad, will bear fruit in the future. You will reap what you sow.

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On May 25, 2023 By Bill Smith In Counseling/Piety, Theology, Wisdom 1

The Medicine of Joy

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
~Proverbs 17.22

Antidepressant medications are being prescribed at alarmingly high rates. Approximately 1 in 8 American adults over the age of 18 were on antidepressants in 2018. Of those, more than twice as many women than men were taking them. Twenty-three percent of women in their forties and fifties take antidepressants, a higher percentage than any other group (by age or sex). Since 2020 and all the events surrounding COVID, those numbers have increased. Whether people are dealing with genuine medical conditions or trying to eliminate the occasional blues, it is evident that we are looking for answers to deal with depression, whether mild or severe.

Depression has no singular cause and no one cure. It may stem from a traumatic event such as a debilitating illness, a hormonal imbalance, or being an overly sensitive snowflake who can’t handle someone disagreeing with you. Cures will vary with the causes. You may need to work through the grief process with good biblical counseling, gaining and submitting to a proper perspective. Medical help may be needed to deal with thyroid, adrenal, reproductive organ imbalances, or other organ deficiencies. You may need to learn how to have thicker skin. There are many sources and ways to address depression, depending on the person and his situation.

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On May 11, 2023 By Bill Smith In Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom Like

Judging Motives

“A plan in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
~Proverbs 20.5

“You can’t judge my motives because you don’t know my heart.” You might hear this if you ever make a judgment call on someone’s actions. There is this idea that there is no way we can know someone else’s heart and, therefore, can’t judge their motives. Doesn’t Jeremiah say under the inspiration of the Spirit, “The heart is deceitful above all things and mortally ill; who can know it?” Doesn’t he expect the answer, “No one can know it”? Yes, he expects that answer. None of us relying on our wisdom can discern our own hearts, much less the hearts of others. When the source of our discernment is wisdom is our experience and thinking divorced from God’s revelation, then, no, we can’t understand our own hearts or the hearts of others. We are self-deceived and constantly seek to justify ourselves by rationalizing our motives while impugning the motives of others. So, with this wisdom, we can know nothing true about our hearts or the hearts of others.

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