“A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; whoever hides her hides the wind and calls [her] oil of his right hand.”
~Proverbs 27.15-16
Men and women are capable of all sins, no matter our sex. However, there are sins to which we are more inclined because of our different sexes. Men, for example, are more prone to sins of violence, while women are more inclined to sins of manipulation. This is not to say that women are incapable of violence and men are incapable of manipulation. It is to say that the strengths of men and women are perversely exacerbated when sin distorts them. Because we have different strengths and weaknesses as men and women, certain sins will manifest more prominently because of our sex.
As Solomon guides his son in Proverbs concerning his wife-hunting, he writes a great deal about the sins of women. There are those long sections in chapters 5, 6, and 7 that deal with her sexual power with men. The son is to be one guard against perverted female sexual powers. But there is another characteristic sin of women for which the son must keep up his guard: contentiousness.
In some form or another, and sometimes repeated verbatim, Solomon warns his son about a contentious woman becoming his wife five times (19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15-16). This must be a prevalent problem, one for which his son must be aware and women must recognize and subdue.
Contentiousness is being argumentative, quarrelsome, or generally disagreeable. If the son is to complete his kingdom mission by building a productive household, he won’t be able to accomplish that with a contentious wife. She will be pulling one way while he is leading another. If a woman fights her husband’s lead consistently (and the woman is a “continual dripping,” not just occasionally disagreeing), the result will be chaos and destruction.
It is easy to identify contentiousness in some women. Their yelling, screaming, critical, disrespectful, belligerence give them away immediately. A society dominated by Feminism rises up and praises her for being a “strong woman” for not submitting to any man … except the man for whom she works. She is not strong. She is weak. She has given up the power of the softness of her femininity for the weakness of a hard pseudo-masculinity, and it will show up in her physical features as she ages prematurely.
Contentiousness is not always this easy to identify. Some contentious women are passive-aggressive and undermining. Christian women will cloak this in spiritual jargon of “God spoke to me,” “I prayed about it,” or “I really felt like this is what God wanted me to do,” despite the fact that her husband told her to do the opposite. Never mind that God tells her in Scripture that she is to submit to her husband in everything non-sinful. She has decided that her feeling about what she thinks God is saying to her overrides the Scriptures themselves and condemns her husband as disobedient to a judgment from heaven’s throne given directly to her. She comes across as sweet, unassuming, and submissive, but she uses all of that to manipulate to get what she wants, undermining the direction of the home. She is just as contentious as the purple-haired tatted-up lesbian with all the odd body piercings, but she clothes it more spiritually. Her husband provides for her and leads the family, but he is never doing enough and/or he is never doing it right; you know, like the pastor-influencer on social media is telling him to do it. The constant nagging contention makes her like the two daughters of the leech, “Give” and “Give” (30:15).
If you’re a young man looking for a wife like Solomon’s son, you should look out for characteristic contentiousness. The belligerent women are easy to identify. You probably won’t be attracted to them unless you are a weak man looking for a mother figure. If that’s the case, you’ve got other problems you must deal with. Women come across as sweet but may be characteristically discontent with seething anger. If they are impatient, never satisfied, consistently unhappy, or happy only when you are buying them things or doing what she wants, there is a problem.
There are also those who have the “princess syndrome,” often handed down from their fathers. She is arrogant and believes no one is good enough for her. She doesn’t see her weaknesses and believes the only thing she needs to bring to a marriage is her good looks (which will eventually fade; see Prov 31.30, “beauty is vapor”). She believes she must always be pedestaled with you worshiping her. She could be trouble. She might not have what it takes to endure when you go through difficult times.
How does she handle the variations she has monthly? Can she control her attitude and tongue even when she’s not feeling well? If she has no self-control over these monthly issues, you might be looking at a potentially contentious woman.
What if you are already married to a woman like this and would rather live on your roof or in a desert than go home to this place of unrest? You have some work to do if you have allowed this to go on as a husband, whether through ignorance or slothfulness. The situation won’t change in a day. This ship needs to turn slowly. Identify the problems, ask for forgiveness for not leading the way you should have in dealing with the sin, call on her to see her sin and deal with it, and set a direction for the home, implementing small but significant changes.
Men have a responsibility here, but a significant burden for not being this kind of woman is on the woman herself. Is she going to be this woman ever-challenging, never submitting to a man’s mission and, thus, tearing down her own house? Or will she be a genuine helper who builds a house with her husband? The difference is between wisdom and folly.
“Woman Wisdom builds her house, but Folly tears it down with her own hands” (Pr 14:1).
Bad husband, bad life. It works both ways. Let’s see the reciprocal article about men.
Spoken like a truly contentious woman, Tyna.