The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.

~Proverbs 16.23

Everyone is trying to sell you something, promising you a taste of the good life or, at the least, the avoidance of the worst life. Advertisers spare no expense to peddle their wares. In 2020 advertisers spent $225.8 billion, and that number is expected to rise to $322.11 billion by 2024. From soap to app subscriptions, people are trying to persuade you that what they’re selling will give you a taste of glory.

Merchandise is not the only thing being hawked. Politicians, constantly in campaign mode with a 24/7/365 news cycle, are trying to sell you on their vision for the future. Political ads use ominous music and black-and-white visuals to frame their opponents and their positions, and then switch to lighter music and color visuals to frame themselves. They lay out their plans for the economy, justice, climate change, the sexual issues du jour, and a plethora of emotional topics to have you buy into their agenda.

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When the Spirit comes, he creates bonds; he binds people together. He does this as the Spirit of the Word, and, therefore, he binds us together with words. When we share the same language and confession, we are able to know one another and work together in a common mission. This is why Pentecost has always been associated with words. When the children of Israel came out of Egypt after the Passover and Exodus, Pentecost was the time that God gave his Law through Moses to Israel to bind them together as a new nation. Pentecost was memorialized every year in a feast that culminated in the giving of the Spirit after the great Passover and Exodus accomplished by Jesus. God gave his Law, his word, to the nations and formed a new holy nation, the church, through the preaching of the gospel as every man heard that word in his own language. The Spirit created new bonds with the word of the gospel so that the church might be able to work together in our common mission to disciple the nations.

Words are spiritual tools and weapons to build and to fight. When we walk in the Spirit, we speak words that build. Our words may also be used to do evil just as any tool or weapon may be used. When we speak evilly, we grieve the Spirit because he is the Spirit of unity who creates bonds of peace.

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A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

~ Proverb 15.1

The assumption when reading this Proverb is that the soft answer is the wise response and the harsh or, literally, the painful word is the foolish response. The larger context might even push us toward that understanding as a pattern of “wise-then-fool” contrasts follow. (For example, “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.” 15.2) To deescalate a situation, to bring water to fiery embers about to burst into flames with a soft answer, is generally a wise approach. Your great aim in dominion is to bring peace because peacemakers are in a favored position with God as God’s sons (Mt 5.9). The fool receives a real or perceived insult and fights fire with fire creating an even larger fire. Painful words escalate the tensions many times to the point of doing irreparable damage to a relationship. Soft answers are, many times, the ways of the wise, and painful words are, many times, the ways of a fool.

To lay this down as a template for every situation is unwise. The wisdom in this proverb is deeper, I believe. There are times when soft answers can be foolish and painful words can be wise. The fruit is the same–soft answers turn away wrath and painful words stir up anger–but it will be bad fruit. There are times that soft answers seek to avoid wrath that needs to be stirred up with a painful word. In another proverb, we hear, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” (27.6). A man needs to be reminded that when a true friend wounds him, that wound is for his good. Why does he need to be reminded? Because when someone wounds you with a painful word, the initial response is anger in self-defense. Painful words stir up anger.

Consider also Wisdom incarnate, the Word made flesh, who spoke all the right words in the right way. The aim of the Peacemaker was not always immediate peace. He was not always trying to turn away wrath with soft answers. On several occasions, Jesus used painful words that stirred up anger. Those words along with his corresponding actions stirred up anger in the Jews so much that they crucified him. If he had spoken soft words in those situations in order to turn away their wrath, he would have been in sin. Jesus was playing the long game. His great aim was peace, but to have that peace in the future, he had to stir up anger in the present.

There are times that “winsomeness” is a cover for compromise just as there are times when “hard words” are the mouth-sewage of a fool. There are times that we use soft words to avoid confrontation because we know that the person to whom we are speaking will become angry if we tell him what he needs to hear. In that situation, this is nothing short of cowardice possibly under the cloak of a “soft answer turning away wrath.”

Neither the man inclined toward conflict avoidance nor the man who loves to throw verbal hand grenades is justified in his disposition. Wisdom calls us to think in every situation concerning what words are appropriate for the people and situation. We cannot lay a one-size-fits-all template down, expect it to be the right thing in every situation, and then condemn others who don’t use our template as being compromisers or contentious.

Are you avoiding confrontation with a person with soft words because that it is what is best for him and the situation, or are you thinking about your personal comfort, not considering the long-term bad fruit that is being produced by your cowardice? Do you fight fire with fire to protect or build up your ego, or are you using hard words because the short-term anger that is aroused is necessary for long-term health? “This is just the way I deal with things” is not adequate. That, many times, is the statement of a lazy man who doesn’t want to think through situations.

Soft answers turn away wrath. Painful words stir up anger. Which words you need to use, well, that depends.

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When you are younger, anger seems almost like a superpower. You cower in the presence of anger, and you see others do as well. Rage gets things done and brings people under your control. If you don’t like a potential decision by the Supreme Court that reverses Roe v. Wade, you yell, scream, and threaten in order to intimidate and make people fearful for their safety in order to try to manipulate the court. If you don’t like what someone does, you verbally or physically bring him into submission through rage. Anger is power.

As you grow older and wiser, you realize that anger of this sort is weakness. You don’t control your passions, they control you. These passions you can’t control are used by others to control you; they “push your buttons” and manipulate you. You are a slave to the unpleasant circumstances around you. Your bursts of sinful anger destroy everything precious to you, isolating you from everyone. Undisciplined anger, far from being a strength, is a display of weakness. Real power is the freedom that comes through patience.

The quick-tempered man in Proverbs is a fool. A fool is not intellectually disabled or a clownish figure. He is a moral deviant, a man given over to sin. Solomon instructs his son in wisdom, and one aspect of that wisdom is to discipline his God-given anger so that it becomes his servant and not his master. To take up the Adamic mission of bringing God’s wise order to the world, cool heads must prevail. In the end, cool heads, the patient, will prevail.

Quick-tempered men, hot-heads, act foolishly (14.17) and exalt folly (14.29); they bring disorder to the world by creating chaotic, tense, unhealthy situations instead of peace (15.18). Their anger isolates them, causing them to be hated by others (14.17), because they keep everyone at a distance through their anger, and, besides that, no sane person wants to be around this drama queen and live with this anxiety.

In his quick temper, the slave to anger loses perspective, not able to take in and deal with all the information because his hasty anger hyper-focuses his attention on one object, putting blinders on him. His limited vision means that he has no understanding or insight that allows him to put all the pieces of the situation together in a proper relationship because he refuses to see all the pieces. Consequently, the quick-tempered man cannot fulfill his God-given mission of dominion. His outbursts of anger are one of the works of the flesh that Paul says is characteristic of those who will not inherit the kingdom of God (Gal 5.19-21).

The wise son cultivates patience. He is slow to anger. He has the ability to calm and steel his mind through hope rooted in faith so that he can endure until he reaches his goal. Patience is not passivity or indifference. Patience is actively working on achieving the goal of defeating evil and building what is good by keeping its wits about him.

Patience is a discipline that must be cultivated. When we are young, our parents are responsible to discipline us in patience. As we grow older, patience must become a self-discipline. We must develop the ability to master our minds so as to direct our desires, will, emotions, and bodies to accomplish our mission. As with all self-discipline, the cultivation of patience requires pain, stressors that will challenge you mentally, physically, and emotionally. The way you respond to that pain will determine if it will make you stronger or break you. Because many stressors in our lives are outside of our control, the only power you have is your response. The stress reveals the weakness in your character. It doesn’t create it. If that weakness is to be strengthened, you must accept this stress as something of a frenemy; others may have plans to destroy you through this, but you know that God in his providence has brought this to be a servant to develop the strength of patience (cp. 1Cor 3.18-23). Your loving heavenly Father intends to make you a stronger son through this training. As you keep that in mind, knowing that all things do indeed work together for good to those who love God–faith–you develop the mental toughness and resiliency to endure, not being knocked off track through uncontrolled passions.

Whining, complaining, and moaning all the time about your situation reveals and cultivates weakness. You are not positively acting. You become the cowed victim that is a prisoner to others or your circumstances.

Patience is freedom. People and circumstances don’t enslave you by your own passions. You are free to be who God called you to be and accomplish what he put you here to do. Being patient, you are a true son of your heavenly Father who is slow to anger.

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What is it that makes you angry? Is it when people don’t pull their weight of responsibility? Is it the traffic, your job, your family situation, the moral evils of our society, or politics? Though we all express anger in different ways, we are all angry people because we are made in the image of God who is a God of wrath. We are created to be angry.

Solomon instructs his son throughout Proverbs concerning anger. Anger cannot be eliminated, but it must be disciplined. But before we can discipline anger, we must first know what anger is in its righteous and sinful expressions.

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