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On March 5, 2025 By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom

Healing Forgiveness: A Lenten Exhortation

Why doesn’t God complete the work of our salvation in one fell swoop? When we are baptized, when our sins are declared forgiven because we have died and risen again with Christ, why don’t we experience all that salvation will ever be? In our baptism, we are declared forgiven, but we continue to dwell in a mortal body and battle with sin and its effects until the day of our death. Then, our bodies are held in death, waiting for the final resurrection, the fullness of our salvation. Why not do it all immediately?

Salvation is progressive. We have been saved, we are being saved, and we will be saved. That is all true. In one sense, we are as forgiven and saved as we will ever be. However, in another sense, we wait for the fullness of our forgiveness and salvation to be realized in the resurrection of our bodies.

Tellingly, the family of words usually translated as “saved” or “salvation” are associated with the medical field and deal with healing. That is appropriate because our salvation is the complete healing of our entire being, body and soul. Every aspect of our humanity that has been affected by sin—and that is every aspect of our humanity—is being healed in our salvation. But our healing is progressive and waits for the fullness of our salvation to be revealed at the last day.

God has his reasons for this. He trains us through this life so that we become more mature and, thus, able to handle whatever responsibility he gives us later in his kingdom. But the fact that we don’t realize the fullness of our salvation until the end is a fact.

The way God deals with us in forgiveness as it relates to healing is instructive for the relationship between forgiveness and healing in our relationships now. The major emphasis of Lent that is crucial in our discipleship is for us to meditate on our sinfulness and plead for God’s mercy for ourselves and others. Lent is a journey with a destination. It is not a perpetual state of being. Lent gives way to Easter when God fully and finally declares the forgiveness of our sins through the resurrection of Jesus from the dead.

Jesus demonstrates the connection between forgiveness and healing when he heals the paralytic by telling him his sins are forgiven in Mark 2:1-12. Matthew says that the prophecy of Isaiah 53 is fulfilled as Jesus cast out evil spirits and healed the sick: “He himself took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses” (Isa 53:4). Jesus’ death and resurrection secure the forgiveness of sins and the healing of our bodies (Rom 4:25). Sin brings about sickness and death. Forgiveness brings about healing and resurrection.

The healing stories of Jesus are not all the same. Undoubtedly, the point made in Mark 2 is that healing is always tied to the forgiveness of sins, but Jesus’ healings take different shapes. Some are immediate, as it is with this paralytic in Mark 2. Others are delayed. The ten lepers Jesus heals at one point must start their journey to show themselves to priests. They are healed along the way (Lk 17:11-19). In another healing, Jesus touches a blind man’s eyes, and he first sees men as trees. He was partially healed. Jesus touches him a second time to restore his sight completely (Mk 8:22-26).

The healings aren’t all the same, nor are they all complete. Even Lazarus was raised from the dead to die again and wait for the final resurrection. Forgiveness is granted, but the healing power of forgiveness is experienced differently in various situations. Furthermore, the fullness of our healing will only be experienced in our final resurrection.

We should expect this to be the case as we practice forgiveness with one another. Healing looks different depending on the situation. This is important to remember as we work through issues of forgiveness and reconciliation (healing) when sin has maimed a relationship. Forgiveness can be real, but healing takes time, which means the complete healing of the relationship may be in the future.

If, in anger, I punch you in the jaw and break your jaw and realize immediately my sin and ask for forgiveness, you can forgive me on the spot. However, the healing of your jaw and possibly the trust between us may take some time to mend.

Sin has degrees of seriousness. Every sin is worthy of death and punishment from God, but not all sins are created equal. Some sins have a deeper impact and more serious consequences than others. Your toddler disobeying you and snatching a cookie before supper is not the same thing as a spouse committing adultery. Telling a lie to get out of trouble when you are a teen is not the same thing as walking into a public place and opening fire on innocent people.

All sins need to be dealt with seriously before God, but all sins are not the same in their effects on our souls and in our relationships. Acting as if your adultery requires the same type of response of forgive-and-forget as swiping a cookie doesn’t appreciate the seriousness of the damage caused by adultery and the relative lack of damage caused by swiping a cookie. In both cases, genuine forgiveness can and should be granted, but in one case, the healing can be immediate, while in the other, the healing will take time. Ripping a one-flesh relationship is not the same as ripping off a cookie.

Delayed healing doesn’t mean that real forgiveness hasn’t taken place. God declares his forgiveness of us in baptism and absolution, but we don’t enjoy all the healing benefits of forgiveness in the present. We are at genuine peace with God in Christ, but the relationship is not all it will be. Forgiveness has not done its complete work.

There are instances, depending on the nature of the sin involved, that a relationship can be at genuine peace through forgiveness, but the relationship will never be exactly the same. A man who cheats on his wife, leading to divorce, may later seek and receive forgiveness from his ex-wife, but remarriage may never and, in some cases, cannot occur. Friendships can be radically changed through sin. That may be part of the harvest that is reaped through the sowing of sin. But there can be genuine peace even while the friendship is different. It may come back to a more intimate place in the future, but healing takes time. Just because others don’t meet your expectations of “perfect reconciliation” doesn’t mean a person hasn’t forgiven you and is not at peace with you.

Many of us have sinned against others. Many of us have been sinned against by others.
Forgiveness should be sought when there is genuine sin.

You may need help from outside the relationship to determine if it is a “genuine sin.” Just because you got your feelings hurt doesn’t mean that the other person sinned against you. You may be overly sensitive and have higher expectations of others than God himself. People not living up to your unrealistic expectations doesn’t equate to being sinned against. If those in authority judge that you haven’t been sinned against, then you need to get over yourself and live at peace.

However, you may have been sinned against, and that needs to be dealt with. Showing mercy if you have sinned against others is not saying, “I asked your forgiveness. It’s all over. Everything should be back to normal.” Showing mercy is asking for forgiveness and then giving time for the relationship to heal, not demanding what others should do by bludgeoning them with Scripture verses as if your actions should have no lingering consequences and treating others as if they are now in sin because they can’t just get over it.

The person who insists that everything goes back to the way it was immediately, not accounting for the sin he has committed and its consequences, doesn’t want to accept responsibility for his actions. His asking for forgiveness is his get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to deal with his own actions in genuine repentance and have to do the hard work of rebuilding what he has damaged. He walked into the house and set off a grenade but then expects everything to be back to normal because he asked for forgiveness. It doesn’t work that way. There are bodies to be healed and structures to rebuild when a grenade goes off. Further, your actions have created a precedent for how people expect you to act in certain situations. Because of your history, people will “flinch” around you, expecting you to act a certain way in particular situations. Trust takes time to rebuild.

So it is with some of our sins.

Demanding that the other person absorb all the consequences of your sins while all you do is speak a few words is not showing mercy. I’m not saying that you must live a life of groveling, but to treat the words “Please forgive me” as some magic incantation that instantly heals completely in all situations shows a remarkable lack of understanding of the nature of sin and a slothfulness in wanting to take up your responsibilities of repentance.

Showing mercy when you’ve been sinned against by others is granting forgiveness, choosing not to take revenge in thought, word, or deed against the person. But showing mercy does NOT mean that you must act as if there are no consequences to the other person’s actions.

You should take into account the seriousness of the sin. Did they break something you loaned to them, or did they physically or sexually abuse you? Those two sins aren’t on the same level. The healing for breaking something that you have loaned can be healed relatively easily by forgiving and/or the person asking forgiveness and making restitution. Abusive situations and sexual sins wound the soul in deep ways that need care and time for healing. While you shouldn’t use the sins and the healing process as a manipulation tool to selfishly control the other person, making him grovel so that it is never-ending, neither are you obligated to act as if no real damage was inflicted that needs time, space, and proper care to heal.

Forgiveness is absolutely essential to healing for everyone involved, but healing takes time. Everyone involved needs to show the proper mercy.

This Lenten season, as we focus on our own sins and those committed against us, let us all consider the different forms mercy and healing take.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

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On February 20, 2025 By In Culture, Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom

Presuppositional Epistemology

“…but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and fear.” (1 Peter 3:15)

In the Western world today reality as we know it is being assailed, reformulated in the cauldron of human autonomy and self-expression. On the one hand man finds himself in an ineradicable condition: he exists in a world with a vehement desire for answers. He is driven by a quest for knowledge, understanding, and meaning/purpose. On the other hand this man finds himself in an equally precarious situation: he is bent on sin and transgression, or at least he is told. How will he function? What can possibly give him resolution and peace? With a restless heart fixated on some reasonable explanation, men today go searching for answers, sometimes in the discovery of the actual true truth (i.e., that which corresponds to the mind of God), other times in the discovery or fabrication of an idol (which is what all covenant-breakers in Adam do). But either way, he is always and in every way homo respondens—a man who simply responds to his divinely-created environment.

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On January 30, 2025 By In Theology, Wisdom, Worship

Jesus the Temple

John’s Gospel is a literary trek through the new Tabernacle or Temple that is Jesus’ body. His allusions to Jesus as the new Temple are evident from the beginning. “The Word” calls up the construction of Solomon’s Temple in 1 Kings. What is translated as “the inner sanctuary” by the ESV is a Hebrew word that seems to be associated with the word “to speak” or its noun form, “word” (1 Kg 6:5, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 31; 7:49). This is another name for the Holy of Holies. In John 1:14, the Word becomes flesh and “dwells” among us. The verb “dwells” speaks of pitching a tent or dwelling in a tent. Some have translated it, “tabernacled.” Seeing his glory, the glory that dwells in the Holy of Holies, only fortifies the image.

If these images aren’t clear enough, when Jesus cleanses the Temple in chapter 2, he tells the Jews, “Destroy this Temple, and in three days I will raise it up” (Jn 2:19). He was speaking about the Temple that is his body (Jn 2:21).

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On November 14, 2024 By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom

Weighing Debts

Forgiveness and reconciliation can be a thorny issue. Many questions must be asked to determine the shape of forgiveness and reconciliation. Is sin truly involved, or is one of the people offended because of his own unrealistic expectations of the other person? That is, one person has his feelings hurt because he is overly demanding, and no one lives up to his expectations. If sin is involved, is the sin of such a nature that it can be forgiven so that the relationship can return to what it was? If one spouse speaks uncharacteristically harshly to the other, forgiveness can be granted and the sin practically forgotten. Or is the sin of such a nature that the relationship is unalterably changed even though forgiveness is granted? If a spouse is a serial adulterer/adulteress, leading to a divorce, the marriage may never go back to what it was. Is the sinning party repentant or unrepentant? What is the part restitution plays in reconciliation? What does the healing process look like after forgiveness is granted? Though we don’t need to make forgiveness more complicated than necessary, human relationships are not as simple as “do these three things and move on.” (I’ve written several articles on forgiveness at Kuyperian Commentary. You can find them here, and a series that begins here.)

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On November 7, 2024 By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Wisdom

JUST DO IT!

“Just tell me what to do!” Pastors and counselors sometimes hear these words from people in difficult situations. Whether they have gotten themselves into the situations through unwise decisions or suffering from someone else’s sin against them, they want answers. They want to know how to alleviate the painful consequences. Unfortunately, many people are looking for a silver bullet in the form of a simple formula or for the pastor or counselor to tell them exactly what to do. Telling them occasionally that you will not give them a rule or a command and expect them to follow orders strictly frustrates them. You may even be labeled as “unloving.” Sometimes, the person may be given principles and guidance with options, but that person must wrestle through the issue and make his own decisions.

When people are in trouble, they tend to revert to authoritarianism. It is simple. Follow the rules. Obey commands. Treat the world as an impersonal machine that operates by formulaic cause-and-effect. Expect everything to be fixed without time and work. People like authoritarianism at times because it alleviates personal responsibility. If I check everything off the list and “it doesn’t work,” it is your fault.

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On October 10, 2024 By In Prayer, Theology, Wisdom

Praying In The Spirit: Praying In Faith

What the world needs now is a crazed Muslim leader in the Middle East who has nuclear capabilities to launch a nuclear weapon at the USA. The world needs Christians to suffer and die at the hands of atheistic Communists and rabid Muslims. America needs abortion to continue to be legal for decades to come. Aunt Lucy needs to be diagnosed with stage four cancer. Uncle Joe needs to be in an accident, so he loses a leg. Henrietta needs to lose her child to leukemia. We and the rest of creation need these horrible things.

Who would ever think such things? Who would ever pray for such things? No one that I know.

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On September 25, 2024 By In Theology, Wisdom, Work

Vocational Harmony

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called….” ~Ephesians 4:1

We have a calling. Within that calling, we have callings or vocations. (“Vocation” is derived from the Latin, voco, “I call,” so “calling” and “vocation” are the same thing.) Paul has a focus for what he says in Ephesians 4:1: he is aiming for the unity of the church, especially with regards to the Jew and Gentile being united into the one body of Christ. Consequently, he aims at character qualities that promote unity: humility, gentleness, longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, and eagerness to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. He then focuses on the seven ones (“one Lord, one faith, one baptism,” etc.). The calling of which he speaks is God’s call upon us as Christians.

What is “a call” or “a calling?” Marcus Barth describes Paul’s use of calling as “an act of creation and election; through this act non-being becomes being, not-beloved becomes beloved (Ephesians, ABC, 1:151) … further, it is “an appointment to a position of honor” describing the honorary place and function with which God has entrusted the saints. (Ibid., 2:427). God’s callings are what he has appointed you to do.

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On August 15, 2024 By In Discipleship, Family and Children, Men, Wisdom

Encouraging Fathers

Fatherlessness is at epidemic proportions in our nation and wreaking havoc on the health of our society. There are many reasons for fathers’ absence, some legitimate and many illegitimate consequences of sin. The absence is felt. Based on the US Census Bureau statistics, 43% of children in the US live in fatherless homes. Their absence is devastating. Ninety percent of runaway and homeless children are from fatherless homes. Seventy percent of minors housed in state facilities are from fatherless homes. Thirty-nine percent of inmates in jail are from fatherless homes. The rate of abuse in single-parent homes is almost double that in two-parent homes.[1] There is more than a superficial correlation in those numbers. Lack of fathers is the cause of many of these societal maladies.

Being present as fathers is only half the battle. The other half is being proactive in nurturing and disciplining children. God’s command to Israel in Deuteronomy 6 assumes the father’s presence with his children and commands his diligence in their instruction. Fathers must teach God’s law to their children “when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Dt 6:7). As a father, you are involved in your children’s lives.

When addressing the new creation family, Paul addresses fathers directly in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children so that they do not become discouraged.” While the mother is to receive due honor from children and has responsibility for raising children, Paul homes in on fathers. The word “parents” was available to Paul because he used it in 3:20. The fathers are ultimately responsible for how the children are disciplined. (Three of the commands in the section are focused on men as heads of their house: husbands, fathers, and masters. Men have the greatest responsibility for the health of the home.)

Discipline must never be undertaken to “ break the spirit” of children. The word translated as “discouraged” has at its root the idea of a child’s vital force, spirit, desire, drive, or passion. His drives, corrupted by sin, are to be corrected and redirected toward that which is good, true, and beautiful. He is not to be squashed but shaped.

How can fathers discourage their children?

1. Never praise your child. Always tell him what he could have done better without praising his effort or accomplishments.

2. Lead only by command and not by example. Demand discipline and obedience from your children while you are undisciplined and refuse to submit to your authorities.

3. Be inconsistent in discipline. Don’t enforce rules one day and come down on your children like a ton of bricks the next for breaking the rules. They will never know where the boundaries are and will be living in a psychological earthquake.

4. Refuse to discipline your children. Teach them by lack of discipline that there are no boundaries, that they can do anything without consequence, and that they should be able to have whatever they want when they want it. They will have a lousy relationship with reality and be anxious, angry children who grow to be anxious, angry adults.

5. Make unreasonable demands. Expect more of them than they are capable of doing for their age and skill level. Don’t take into consideration their unique personalities and desires, forcing them to become something that they aren’t. Be a perfectionist, always chasing the elusive standard that not even you can attain.

6. Don’t allow your child to mature. As he grows older, tighten your grip on him, never giving him any freedom to fail or succeed. Never let him take risks. Micromanage his life so that he doesn’t learn how to make decisions for himself and becomes a helpless adult (who you are probably hoping will depend on you to fulfill your need to be needed).

7. Never show affection, laugh with, or play with your children. Teach him that God never allows you to lighten up but that you must carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You must take yourself with utmost seriousness at all times.

If you do these things, you will break the spirit of your children. Your goal is to shape your child into a joyful child. A joyful child is one who knows that he is loved, has learned contentment through accepting his and others’ limitations, is freed to be all that God created him to be, and matures so that he can make decisions without being unhealthily dependent upon others.

Fathers, don’t discourage your children.

[1] https://parentspluskids.com/blog/fatherhood-statistics-trends-and-analysis

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On July 24, 2024 By In Family and Children, Men, Theology, Wisdom, Women

A Husband’s Love

“Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter with them.” ~Colossians 3:19

Marriage has been a fight for survival from the beginning of time. The present-day battle of the sexes is nothing new. Feminists rail against biblical marriage because the thought of submitting to a husband is barbaric and demeaning. But Feminism, with all its evils, is not the primary problem. The lack of masculine leadership is the principal problem; it has been since the Garden. Modern men respond to Feminism not by assuming masculine responsibility and seeking to win women back with strong, confident leadership but by agreeing with them that marriage is a bad deal for men as well. “The courts are stacked against us. A woman can take almost everything I have, including my children. Marriage is a bad deal for men.” Black-pilled (at least in the area of marriage) MGTOWs (Men Going Their Own Way) have blamed women for everything, becoming resentful. “Masculine” influencers encourage young men never to get married; in other words, never truly love a woman.

Marriage is risky. It always has been. You are entrusting yourself to another person, opening yourself up to the possibility of the greatest pain you can ever experience. But it is also true that you may experience some of the deepest joys known to a man. Masculine men take risks and take on responsibility. Effeminate men hide behind all the excuses of everything being against them, whine, and refuse to fight for what is good. Real men take the risk of loving a woman genuinely and deeply.

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On July 11, 2024 By In Church, Theology, Wisdom, Worship

Singing the Psalms with Jesus

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs singing with grace in your hearts to God.”

~Colossians 3:16

Everybody loves Psalm 23. Many Christians do not know, and still fewer love and will sing Psalms 109 and 137. When it comes to a few Psalms, Christians become Marcionites. (He was a second-century theologian who pitted the vengeful God of the Old Testament with the loving God of the New Testament revealed in Jesus. Consequently, he cut the Old Testament out of the biblical canon and highly edited the New Testament.) Christians will rightly appeal to Psalm 139 to declare that the unborn are persons and shouldn’t be aborted, but they might ignore the last part of that Psalm that declares that we hate our enemies with a perfect hatred. This hatred reflects God’s own hatred, as declared in Psalms 5 and 11.

“This is not what Jesus taught,” you may hear. But in Colossians (along with a parallel in Ephesians 5:19), Paul says that the Psalms are “the word of Christ” that is to “dwell in [the church] richly.” We are to teach and admonish one another with these Psalms. Paul is not contradicting Jesus. Singing the Psalms is a clear command of Scripture, so it is incumbent upon us to obey the command and seek to better understand as we obey.

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