Forgiveness and reconciliation can be a thorny issue. Many questions must be asked to determine the shape of forgiveness and reconciliation. Is sin truly involved, or is one of the people offended because of his own unrealistic expectations of the other person? That is, one person has his feelings hurt because he is overly demanding, and no one lives up to his expectations. If sin is involved, is the sin of such a nature that it can be forgiven so that the relationship can return to what it was? If one spouse speaks uncharacteristically harshly to the other, forgiveness can be granted and the sin practically forgotten. Or is the sin of such a nature that the relationship is unalterably changed even though forgiveness is granted? If a spouse is a serial adulterer/adulteress, leading to a divorce, the marriage may never go back to what it was. Is the sinning party repentant or unrepentant? What is the part restitution plays in reconciliation? What does the healing process look like after forgiveness is granted? Though we don’t need to make forgiveness more complicated than necessary, human relationships are not as simple as “do these three things and move on.” (I’ve written several articles on forgiveness at Kuyperian Commentary. You can find them here, and a series that begins here.)
(more…)
JUST DO IT!
“Just tell me what to do!” Pastors and counselors sometimes hear these words from people in difficult situations. Whether they have gotten themselves into the situations through unwise decisions or suffering from someone else’s sin against them, they want answers. They want to know how to alleviate the painful consequences. Unfortunately, many people are looking for a silver bullet in the form of a simple formula or for the pastor or counselor to tell them exactly what to do. Telling them occasionally that you will not give them a rule or a command and expect them to follow orders strictly frustrates them. You may even be labeled as “unloving.” Sometimes, the person may be given principles and guidance with options, but that person must wrestle through the issue and make his own decisions.
When people are in trouble, they tend to revert to authoritarianism. It is simple. Follow the rules. Obey commands. Treat the world as an impersonal machine that operates by formulaic cause-and-effect. Expect everything to be fixed without time and work. People like authoritarianism at times because it alleviates personal responsibility. If I check everything off the list and “it doesn’t work,” it is your fault.
(more…)
Praying In The Spirit: Praying In Faith
What the world needs now is a crazed Muslim leader in the Middle East who has nuclear capabilities to launch a nuclear weapon at the USA. The world needs Christians to suffer and die at the hands of atheistic Communists and rabid Muslims. America needs abortion to continue to be legal for decades to come. Aunt Lucy needs to be diagnosed with stage four cancer. Uncle Joe needs to be in an accident, so he loses a leg. Henrietta needs to lose her child to leukemia. We and the rest of creation need these horrible things.
Who would ever think such things? Who would ever pray for such things? No one that I know.
(more…)
Vocational Harmony
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called….” ~Ephesians 4:1
We have a calling. Within that calling, we have callings or vocations. (“Vocation” is derived from the Latin, voco, “I call,” so “calling” and “vocation” are the same thing.) Paul has a focus for what he says in Ephesians 4:1: he is aiming for the unity of the church, especially with regards to the Jew and Gentile being united into the one body of Christ. Consequently, he aims at character qualities that promote unity: humility, gentleness, longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, and eagerness to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. He then focuses on the seven ones (“one Lord, one faith, one baptism,” etc.). The calling of which he speaks is God’s call upon us as Christians.
What is “a call” or “a calling?” Marcus Barth describes Paul’s use of calling as “an act of creation and election; through this act non-being becomes being, not-beloved becomes beloved (Ephesians, ABC, 1:151) … further, it is “an appointment to a position of honor” describing the honorary place and function with which God has entrusted the saints. (Ibid., 2:427). God’s callings are what he has appointed you to do.
(more…)
Encouraging Fathers
Fatherlessness is at epidemic proportions in our nation and wreaking havoc on the health of our society. There are many reasons for fathers’ absence, some legitimate and many illegitimate consequences of sin. The absence is felt. Based on the US Census Bureau statistics, 43% of children in the US live in fatherless homes. Their absence is devastating. Ninety percent of runaway and homeless children are from fatherless homes. Seventy percent of minors housed in state facilities are from fatherless homes. Thirty-nine percent of inmates in jail are from fatherless homes. The rate of abuse in single-parent homes is almost double that in two-parent homes.[1] There is more than a superficial correlation in those numbers. Lack of fathers is the cause of many of these societal maladies.
Being present as fathers is only half the battle. The other half is being proactive in nurturing and disciplining children. God’s command to Israel in Deuteronomy 6 assumes the father’s presence with his children and commands his diligence in their instruction. Fathers must teach God’s law to their children “when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Dt 6:7). As a father, you are involved in your children’s lives.
When addressing the new creation family, Paul addresses fathers directly in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children so that they do not become discouraged.” While the mother is to receive due honor from children and has responsibility for raising children, Paul homes in on fathers. The word “parents” was available to Paul because he used it in 3:20. The fathers are ultimately responsible for how the children are disciplined. (Three of the commands in the section are focused on men as heads of their house: husbands, fathers, and masters. Men have the greatest responsibility for the health of the home.)
Discipline must never be undertaken to “ break the spirit” of children. The word translated as “discouraged” has at its root the idea of a child’s vital force, spirit, desire, drive, or passion. His drives, corrupted by sin, are to be corrected and redirected toward that which is good, true, and beautiful. He is not to be squashed but shaped.
How can fathers discourage their children?
1. Never praise your child. Always tell him what he could have done better without praising his effort or accomplishments.
2. Lead only by command and not by example. Demand discipline and obedience from your children while you are undisciplined and refuse to submit to your authorities.
3. Be inconsistent in discipline. Don’t enforce rules one day and come down on your children like a ton of bricks the next for breaking the rules. They will never know where the boundaries are and will be living in a psychological earthquake.
4. Refuse to discipline your children. Teach them by lack of discipline that there are no boundaries, that they can do anything without consequence, and that they should be able to have whatever they want when they want it. They will have a lousy relationship with reality and be anxious, angry children who grow to be anxious, angry adults.
5. Make unreasonable demands. Expect more of them than they are capable of doing for their age and skill level. Don’t take into consideration their unique personalities and desires, forcing them to become something that they aren’t. Be a perfectionist, always chasing the elusive standard that not even you can attain.
6. Don’t allow your child to mature. As he grows older, tighten your grip on him, never giving him any freedom to fail or succeed. Never let him take risks. Micromanage his life so that he doesn’t learn how to make decisions for himself and becomes a helpless adult (who you are probably hoping will depend on you to fulfill your need to be needed).
7. Never show affection, laugh with, or play with your children. Teach him that God never allows you to lighten up but that you must carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You must take yourself with utmost seriousness at all times.
If you do these things, you will break the spirit of your children. Your goal is to shape your child into a joyful child. A joyful child is one who knows that he is loved, has learned contentment through accepting his and others’ limitations, is freed to be all that God created him to be, and matures so that he can make decisions without being unhealthily dependent upon others.
Fathers, don’t discourage your children.
[1] https://parentspluskids.com/blog/fatherhood-statistics-trends-and-analysis
A Husband’s Love
“Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter with them.” ~Colossians 3:19
Marriage has been a fight for survival from the beginning of time. The present-day battle of the sexes is nothing new. Feminists rail against biblical marriage because the thought of submitting to a husband is barbaric and demeaning. But Feminism, with all its evils, is not the primary problem. The lack of masculine leadership is the principal problem; it has been since the Garden. Modern men respond to Feminism not by assuming masculine responsibility and seeking to win women back with strong, confident leadership but by agreeing with them that marriage is a bad deal for men as well. “The courts are stacked against us. A woman can take almost everything I have, including my children. Marriage is a bad deal for men.” Black-pilled (at least in the area of marriage) MGTOWs (Men Going Their Own Way) have blamed women for everything, becoming resentful. “Masculine” influencers encourage young men never to get married; in other words, never truly love a woman.
Marriage is risky. It always has been. You are entrusting yourself to another person, opening yourself up to the possibility of the greatest pain you can ever experience. But it is also true that you may experience some of the deepest joys known to a man. Masculine men take risks and take on responsibility. Effeminate men hide behind all the excuses of everything being against them, whine, and refuse to fight for what is good. Real men take the risk of loving a woman genuinely and deeply.
(more…)
Singing the Psalms with Jesus
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs singing with grace in your hearts to God.”
~Colossians 3:16
Everybody loves Psalm 23. Many Christians do not know, and still fewer love and will sing Psalms 109 and 137. When it comes to a few Psalms, Christians become Marcionites. (He was a second-century theologian who pitted the vengeful God of the Old Testament with the loving God of the New Testament revealed in Jesus. Consequently, he cut the Old Testament out of the biblical canon and highly edited the New Testament.) Christians will rightly appeal to Psalm 139 to declare that the unborn are persons and shouldn’t be aborted, but they might ignore the last part of that Psalm that declares that we hate our enemies with a perfect hatred. This hatred reflects God’s own hatred, as declared in Psalms 5 and 11.
“This is not what Jesus taught,” you may hear. But in Colossians (along with a parallel in Ephesians 5:19), Paul says that the Psalms are “the word of Christ” that is to “dwell in [the church] richly.” We are to teach and admonish one another with these Psalms. Paul is not contradicting Jesus. Singing the Psalms is a clear command of Scripture, so it is incumbent upon us to obey the command and seek to better understand as we obey.
(more…)
Forgiveness & Healing
“I asked for forgiveness. He said he forgave me. Everything ought to be alright.” Not necessarily.
Forgiveness is an essential grace that we must be willing to extend to our brothers and sisters in Christ. If we don’t forgive one another, God will not forgive us (Mt 6:14-15; 18:21-35). When addressing both the Ephesians and the Colossians, Paul speaks of forgiveness as an expression of love vital to the church’s continuing, growing life (Eph 4:32; Col 3:12-14). We must be willing to release others from the legitimate debt they’ve incurred by their sin against us. We must refuse to take revenge, seeking to “make them pay” for what they’ve done to us.
(more…)
Kingdom Obsession
Have you ever known an obsessive person? He is preoccupied, possessed, driven, and singularly focused on accomplishing an objective. Nothing else matters. His mind is consumed with thoughts about the task. His time, energy, and resources are used for the mission. He lives life with blinders on.
“Obsession” comes with a great amount of negative baggage in our parlance. The obsessive person has unhealthy fixations that cause him to lose broader perspectives. While obsessions can be taken to unhealthy extremes, “obsession” is close to what Paul commands the Colossian Christians to do when he tells them to “seek” and “set their minds” on things above (Col 3:1-2).
(more…)
Just Ordinary
We have entered what is, quite frankly, one of my favorite seasons of the Church Year: Ordinary Time. The season is not principally named “ordinary” because nothing “extraordinary” happens during the season. Rather, “Ordinary” comes from numbering the Sundays between the Day of Pentecost and Advent. Ordinal numbers are used to number the Sundays: First, Second, Third, etc. However, there is a delicious linguistic twist for paronomasiacs (punsters). Ordinary Time happens to be, well, quite ordinary. The church uses green as the liturgical color to mark off the season that lasts around six months. This is a time of steady growth after the waters of baptism have fallen on us at Pentecost. There are no real big parties for these several months, only the steady grace of the day-in-day-out regularity and, in many ways, imperceptible growth.
If you think about it, most of history is like this. We read about epic events in Scripture and other histories outside of Scripture, but while all that is going on, most of the world is plugging on day after day living ordinary lives. This is reflected well in the Church Calendar.
(more…)
