In the beginning, God gave a mission to the man: he was to take dominion over the earth. This was his mission, but it was revealed he could not do it alone. So, God created the woman to be his helper, one who would come alongside him, who would be oriented to him and his God-given mission. The mission of the dominion of the world, bringing order and glory to a disordered and immature world, was beyond the capabilities of two individuals. God blessed them, giving them the ability to be fruitful and multiply. As children grew and eventually left their original household, cleaving to a spouse and creating a new household, a division of labor emerged that moved the mission forward. Each household, led by the husband who was helped by his wife, would develop its own mission that would contribute to the larger mission of the dominion of the world.
The grand mission continues and, therefore, the division of labor continues. Each household or family is responsible for an aspect of the mission. Within each household, the man is responsible to determine the mission of the household. That is the duty of headship. What this means is that must determine how the family fits in and works toward the advancement of Christ’s kingdom. You are not responsible for the entirety of the mission. But you and your family are responsible to pull part of the load.
Much has been written and spoken in various circles about men being responsible for the mission of the home. Men are pounded with their responsibility, but if they don’t know how to develop a mission, it simply leaves us frustrated. I’m going to give you some basics here about how to develop a mission for yourself and your family. Because this is introductory, I also direct you to what I’ve written at Kuyperian Commentary and what I’ve taught in the adult Sunday School class at Cornerstone Reformed Church.
Developing a mission for your family is guided by our general mission as men to work and guard “the garden” (Gen 2.15). Among other things, the garden is a place of worship, the place where the family is to be led to communion with God. Central to any family mission is to bring your family before God’s throne in the place where God promises to meet with his people and commune with them: the corporate worship of the church. Everything else about the mission is dependent upon this aspect of the mission. As a part of your mission, you will make clear to your future spouse or your family, “Our family will be faithful worshipers of God.” You then give direction to your wife and children in the specifics. This will mean that unless providentially hindered, you will be with God’s people every Sunday (including vacations). This will require discipline. With the mission in mind, you determine for the family that each Saturday evening you will make adequate preparations for food, clothes, rest, and other things so that you can be ready to present yourselves before God with due energy. Other activities such as sports, entertainment, and family visits will be subordinate to worship. Even our vacations will be planned around worship. This is who we are. This is what we do. This is central to our mission.
Every Christian family has this as central to the mission. The division of labor begins when we find our place within the larger kingdom of God and seek to bring order and maturity to a disordered and immature world. Where and in what way do we as a family raise the standard of King Jesus over the creation? The mission here is determined by your gifts and opportunities given to you by God’s providence. But you know, men, that unless you want to remain single the rest of your life, you need to have means to provide for a wife and children. You can’t simply follow your dreams of being a “starving artist,” not providing for your family. If you don’t provide for your family when you are perfectly capable, you are worse than an unbeliever (1Tm 5.8). So, you know that the mission must involve providing.
After this, the world is a wide-open place with lots to do. Your general goal is to provide for your family, but you also want to do more. You want to be generous to others. You want your home to be hospitable, welcoming to both children and guests. So, you determine that a vocation such as welding will help you do that. You pursue that. But that is only one aspect of the mission. Your wife must join you in the larger mission of the family. She’s not going to be welding with you more than likely (she probably shouldn’t!) but is a part of the mission of making the home hospitable. She helps you by not only bearing children but nurturing and disciplining them with you along the direction you give her. You determine that you will discipline your children diligently for their own well-being as well as making your home welcoming and not a terror for guests. You determine and lead by example, that the home will be joyful, that bad attitudes will be corrected quickly, that you will enjoy regular mealtimes together and talk and laugh. You will pray and/or read the Scriptures together as the Lord permits.
To accomplish this mission, you become trained in a skill and continue to improve that skill (such as welding). Your wife learns how to cook good, inexpensive meals that will be conducive to a large family and/or many guests. You review your educational (discipleship) goals and methods of training your children regularly. You are diligent about correction.
Examples could be multiplied, but work with the principle. The fulfilling of your responsibility helps bring stability and peace to your home. When your wife knows what the mission is and how she is supposed to participate, you provide her with the opportunity to be less anxious and frustrated. She knows how to help you. Any godly wife will find great satisfaction and rest in this even though she exhausts herself physically. Some wives won’t be satisfied no matter how much direction you give, but that’s a subject for another time. Your responsibility is to determine the mission of the family and then lead the family to accomplish this mission.
