I don’t seek out to provoke unbelievers, but when I do, I am strategic about it. Sometimes they show up in your front door in the form of tweets or juicy media statements cooked rare just like I like it. But this one came right at a time I was seeking to instill some manly and godly habits to my boys. In short, it was a beautiful thing.
I was about to walk into the bank when unprovoked (unprovoked!) I did that chauvinistic thing of opening the door for the young lady coming behind me. What was an act of simple compliance to southern social norms became an act of rebellion against the human being behind me. And these were her exact words: “You don’t need to open the door for me. I can do it myself.” Fair enough. Now, for the record, I do have some sense about the capabilities of sentient beings to use force to open and close things. So, I thought quickly and acknowledged that brute fact. But I couldn’t simply remain silent and allow that philosophical world to run over me like a Jonny Cash train-song.
I told her with all the gentility I could muster: “Ma’am (as a way of emphasizing my patriarchal fanaticism), I opened the door to express my respect for women.” It sounded as weirdly sophisticated as it is written. She looked at me and gave me some variation of a millennial “boo” sign. This entire incident would have been forgotten, except that a fine outstanding citizen with a significant following opined recently that, “Men opening doors for women is a symbol of aggressive patriarchy. Men are saying, ‘You may enter or leave this place but only on my say so.’” She goes on to say that when men open doors, they are subconsciously reminding women that all men are in control of a woman’s choice.
Now, I must confess that thought never entered my mind, but thanks to this fine person, now it has. It also reminded me that the topsy-turvy nature of male-female relationship stems from a fundamental failure to grasp our roles. Men protect, which does not mean women do not protect, but that men have an intrinsic sense that the weaker vessel must be protected. He operates under the assumption that he is to be in the front lines taking the bullet before his wife, sister, or daughter. But the habits that lead men to that fine point of taking bullets and ideological arrows don’t begin in the war lines, it begins at a bank door when you habituate yourself in the art of door-opening for women. Subconsciously, what you are doing is inculcating the idea that men lead by little rituals of grace at home and at the bank.
My suspicion is that when women react to virtuous etiquette in such a vicious way they are reacting to some form of past abuse. But the answer is not to cater to their past, but to lead them to a future green pasture when the normal becomes the expected. Men don’t change cultures by abdicating to the wants of the anti-mannerism party, but they form parties of virtue that embody rituals of every variety. And that is precisely what separates men from boys.
It’s a beautiful thing for a man to open doors for women. I wish we seen more of it. You were quite the gentleman. Keep up the good work. She’s the one who lost.