One way in which the father teaches his son wisdom in Proverbs is through observation of what others are doing and the outcomes of their ways of life. He calls upon his son to look at the skillful man (Pr 22.29) as well as the ways the father himself (Pr 23.26.28). The son is not only to learn from wise examples but also the unwise. The father tells his son of a young man who puts himself in a bad place and is seduced by Harlot Folly. He watched the whole incident, and it didn’t end well for the young man (Pr 7.6-27). He also passed by the field of a sluggard and noticed that his vineyard was in complete disrepair and overgrown with thorns. He looked and considered, “How did it come to this?”
The father calls his son to watch and learn, to judge the way of wisdom from positive and negative examples so that he himself will not fall into judgment. As Christians, we don’t mind looking at the positive examples and noticing for ourselves or pointing out to our children these examples to follow. But we wince when we think about using the bad examples of others to teach others. We don’t want to be “judgy.” The limit of the explanation to our children, for instance, might be “There but for the grace of God go I.” We say that almost as if God’s grace is a magic spell that kept me from being there, but God didn’t perform the same magic on the other person. We want to avoid pride (a good impulse, to be sure), but in order to do so, we practically deny all the choices that were made that put that person in the position in which he now lives.
I’m a good Calvinist, so I confess that everything good is all of grace, all the way down to why a person chooses what he chooses. But the encouragement to and responsibility for making choices is just as clear in the Scriptures as is God’s sovereign, secret will. Indeed, I am to leave those secret things to God and concern myself with making choices based on what he has revealed (cf. Deut 29.29).
So, the fool who ruins his life with harlots or suffers poverty because of his sloth is a teaching tool for me to learn from as well as to teach others. “Do you see what he did? Do you see the bad consequences? Don’t do that.” This is the way Proverbs teaches us to learn the way of wisdom.
We are afraid of becoming self-righteous. That’s a legitimate concern because our hearts still have the remnants of foolishness in them that would love to be puffed up with pride. This is a pride that believes that you are completely self-made, that you rely on no one but yourself, and you refuse to give thanks to God for what you have. Sinful pride is self-sufficiency and self-exaltation that refuses to acknowledge God’s grace properly.
However, the recognition of a distinction between wise and unwise behavior is not in itself self-righteous. Self-righteousness is trusting in oneself and one’s own wisdom. Saying, “I’m doing what is right and he/she isn’t” isn’t self-righteousness. The Psalms are full of this talk, teaching us to think and pray like this. I am not superior because of some self-generated wisdom but precisely because I am depending on what God says. Far from being self-righteous, I am being humble.
The fool is the one who is engaged in a form of self-righteousness because he has said “No” to God and has chosen to establish his own form of righteousness based on wisdom divorced from God’s revelation. Don’t let people play that game with you, turning the tables as if you are all uppity because things are working better for you because you have lived according to God’s wisdom. When they accuse you of self-righteousness, it is projection, you might say; they are accusing you of what they themselves are guilty.
You are not self-righteous when you have worked diligently within God’s boundaries and have become wealthy, skilled, fit, have a good marriage, or whatever so that now you are enjoying the benefits of the work and are confident. Envy looks at you and calls you “self-righteous.” Don’t let the slothful, wicked fool define the terms, accepting his definitions. If you have gotten to where you are by doing things right, working hard, and treating people well along the way, don’t accept the scorn of “self-righteous” by those who are envious. Stay humble before God, acknowledging his grace, genuinely giving thanks, and keep doing what you are doing.
If we observe Wisdom’s response to the recalcitrant fool, we will learn that, far from being cowed by some sort of guilt of self-righteousness, Wisdom is confident and mocks the fool when he reaps the consequences of his foolishness (1.24-27). You can be confident, not because you are relying upon your own wisdom, but because you are relying upon Wisdom himself.
Learn from the unwise and teach your children using them as examples. Judge that you be not judged.
