I have been thinking through the notion of parenting via perfection. It’s not an intentional approach to parenting, but one which many of us practice. None of us walk around evangelizing others through our perfection. We know better, which is why we often say things like: “We are not perfect.” That is an indisputable reality, which I discovered within the first two minutes of our conversation. But I argue that when we make that statement, we are merely echoing a self-deceptive sentiment. After all, no one expects parental perfection, which is why the language is utterly unnecessary and sometimes used to justify stupid acts.
What the Bible demands is parental faithfulness. Now, no parent worth his Deuteronomy will say, “We are not faithful!” We know that faithfulness is the key to the game. Faithfulness turns a father’s heart to a hurting son/daughter. Faithfulness keeps a mother steady in her duty to nurture her children. Faithfulness is the kind of gift that keeps on giving. Faithfulness is the way of the kingdom.
But we would rather fight against a made-up concept of parenting called “perfection” than to fight against faithlessness. And what does faithfulness look like? Let me tell you. The clearest path to faithfulness is when parents embrace the life of repentance before their children. You can carry the excuse of not being perfect to cover your mistakes/anger or you can carry the faithfulness model and repent before your own children and affirm again and again that your home is a place for people that need Jesus daily, and as a parent, I am most in need of Him.
When I sit with parents for counseling, it’s the first thing I look for in their words. How comfortable are they with repentance? How often does he get on his knees before his six-year-old and repent for being harsh, yelling, not spending enough time with him, not loving him as he should, or showing affection as a father/mother ought to. I do not care what the sin is, but I do care about the level of seriousness a parent has concerning repentance. An unrepentant father does not make a good churchman. An unrepentant mother does not make a good friend.
Our war is not against perfection. Our war is against faithlessness. And the best way to be unfaithful is to show a disregard for public repentance in your home. Before the kids begin their school day, or before they lie down to sleep, I would inspect your heart, pull that child aside, and say, “You know what, daddy has been unkind to you, please forgive me.” Whatever sin it is from the greatest to the least, do it. Get used to it. Be faithful. Being a faithful parent means repenting well. If our children ask for bread, will we give them a stone? No. But when we parent via the myth of perfection, we might as well be.
