The latest shooting in Buffalo has the political left calling for their standard lockdowns on guns and “hate speech.” Aside from the weekly death tolls in Chicago, which many times match or exceed the number of deaths and injuries in Buffalo, we consistently hear how guns are the problem. But now the regulation of speech has come to the fore with the advent and popularity of social media. “Hate speech” must be regulated, by which they mean any speech with which they disagree. Hate speech provokes violence, so it has to be shut down at its source. The implications of government regulating speech to this degree are terrifying.
However, speech should be regulated. Solomon is all for regulating speech because of its inherent power to incite conflict and, thus, hamstring the creation of peace that is part and parcel of his dominion project. But regulation for everything short of blasphemy is to be done by the speaker and the listener as a matter of self-control. We do have the power to create war as well as peace with our speech. We must learn how to regulate our speech and react to speech in order to avoid war as best we can so that we can produce peace.
Throughout Proverbs, Solomon instructs his son concerning words that create peace and words that create war. The son needs to know, especially in a world under the curse of sin in which he must fight thorns and thistles, that his task will be difficult. He will need to proactively speak good words to seek to create an environment of peace (cf. 13.2). He will also have to learn how to respond with soft answers to incendiary speech in order to deescalate tense situations to bring about peace (15.1). At times, he will even have to “throw out the mocker” from a relationship in which he is constantly keeping contentions stirred up (22.10).
This is the battle he faces in the world around him. But his home should be a place of refuge from these contentions. However, if he is not careful in choosing a wife, a helper, his home will be a place where the contentions intensify instead of provide relief. Consequently, his mission in the world will be hamstrung.
A man’s wife has tremendous power in his life. In many ways, she determines what he can and cannot accomplish. She can be a boon or a bane to his mission; she can make him or break him. The way she uses words is a big part of this.
Women can use their words to build their houses with their husbands, but they can also use them to tear them down. Solomon warns his son no less than five times about the contentions of a wife that will annoy, distract, and ultimately destroy his dominion project (see 19.13; 21.9, 19; 25.24; 27.15-16).
What is assumed by Solomon is that the son has a mission; that he knows who he is and what he is doing in the world. He chooses a wife to be his helper in this project, leading her and providing everything she needs to be in sub-mission to him; that is, to come under his mission and help him.
While many husbands fail in this responsibility, many wives are given everything they need by their husbands but still refuse to help him. They are contentious, sabotaging his mission. She may be doing this intentionally because she despises her husband, or she may be doing this unintentionally thinking that it is her duty to be contentious with him all of the time because of his need for correction.
Solomon says that she is like a “dripping rain” that comes through a leaky roof (19.13; 27.15). She is like a wind that can’t be controlled (27.16), wrecking the home like a tornado. It is better not to be married–to live in a desert (21.19) or on a rooftop (21.9; 25.24), constantly exposed to the elements–than to be married to this type of woman. She is quarrelsome, fighting his leadership. This might present itself as wanting to have her own parallel career or being a nag. She makes known that you are not adequate, that she is always discontent with what you provide, that she does not respect you, and/or that you need to be treated like a child. She lets you know this by having a bad attitude that expresses itself in griping, complaining, and badgering.
If the son takes on this Harlot Folly as a wife, he will regret it. Wives have tremendous power with their husbands. Encouraging, respectful words that demonstrate a willingness to follow his leadership lend themselves to creating peace in the home and advancing the kingdom of Christ through the home. Contentious words create discord and certainly cripple the mission.
We have plenty of battles outside of our homes to fight. Make your home a refuge and not a battle zone. Regulate your speech.
