Guest Post by Leta Sundet
I’m afraid of messing up. Not just of messing up in general, but of messing this up—the big This that is the story that is my life, the story that God is attempting to tell with me as His material.
The question casts its shadow over all my decisions. Can I ruin things? Is it possible for me to forfeit some good God intends for me or—worse—the people around me, by a sinful decision?
Say, hypothetically, I don’t relish the thought of hardship; so I don’t seize a challenging opportunity, and I miss my vocation. Say I’m afraid of rejection or of real, messy love, so I don’t risk a relationship with someone who might have been the Right One after all (and now I’ll never know). Say I safeguard my convenience and shun someone in need until it’s too late for me to help them, for anyone to help them.
Each one of those decisions, made in sin—I would have no trouble asking for forgiveness for it. But the exact nature of that forgiveness would be unclear to me. I know that Jesus died for my sins, that he will erase them from my record. But does grace mean that God will erase the consequences, the unraveling of those decisions? Rewind the tape? How could he?
And if, in fact, those decisions are irrevocable, shouldn’t I live in positive dread of sin? Not out of fear for my soul, which I know is safe, but out of fear for my story? (more…)
