This is a homily delivered on the occasion of the wedding of my son, Joshua, and his wife, Naomi.
Paul, quoting Genesis 2.24 and then commenting on it says to the Ephesian church, “’For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
This is a great mystery. Our word “mystery” is brought over directly from Greek, but in its trek through history, it has picked up some connotations in English that Paul did not intend. When we hear the word “mystery,” we tend to think of that which is unknowable or incomprehensible; something shrouded behind an impenetrable veil that we could never hope to get our minds wrapped around. Though there are enigmatic elements in what Paul means when he speaks of mystery, that is not the totality of what he means.
God’s mystery is something that has been concealed in plain sight in some ways; something promised in types and shadows throughout history that waits for its great unveiling in the fullness of time. A mystery can be partially known at certain times of history, but it is only fully disclosed when history reaches its culmination, the purpose for which God intended it. Mystery is both present and promise.
Our future resurrection, for example, is a well-known mystery. Paul explains it in 1Corinthians 15. “Behold, I show you a mystery, we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed….” We live now in this time of concealment, this time of mystery; this time when we know by promise what will happen, but we do not know the reality of our resurrected bodies until God reveals them at the end of this historical age when he raises us from the dead.
Marriage is a great mystery; a mystery that began in the Garden of Eden; God’s plan for his Son and his bride concealed in plain sight waiting for the great unveiling at the appropriate time. History unfolds from the Garden of Eden to the Garden of Jesus’ resurrection where, finally, the mystery of the first garden is revealed in the second: the union of heaven and earth in the marriage of God’s Son to the church. The purpose of marriage—the story behind the story of the first marriage—comes to its climatic culmination and unveiling in Christ and his church. Every marriage up to that point and every marriage afterwards bears the marks of the story of the Father giving his Son a bride by creating the bride out of his Son’s side and uniting the two into one flesh.
Joshua and Naomi, through your marriage, the mystery of the kingdom is being revealed; God is ushering in his kingdom through your union. Each Christian marriage is … or should be … an unfolding of the mystery of Christ and his church to the husband and wife and for the watching world.
As it reflects the unfolding relationship of Christ and his church, marriage itself bears the marks of mystery; something known, yet, at the same time, concealed. Marriage is a historical fact with a definite starting point, but it is not fully worked out; something clearly seen yet with enigmatic qualities yet to be revealed.
Joshua and Naomi, both of you understand what you are doing. You are consenting to marriage, that covenant created by God as a gift for a man and a woman to enjoy a one flesh relationship. But there is much about marriage, particularly your marriage, that you don’t know and cannot know. Your marriage is a promise that will unfold through the rest of your lives.
There are bits of childhood history and personality quirks that you don’t yet know about one another that will be revealed from this day forward. There are some things about each of you that have been appropriately hidden, waiting for this day. There are other things you just haven’t had time to get to know. There are still other things that you don’t even know about yourselves because they are yet to be revealed in the future as you face new challenges, mature, and as your marital relationship teaches each of you more about yourself.
As the mystery of your marriage unfolds, the constant that must remain unchanged from this day forward is that your marriage unfolds in ways consistent with the mystery of the gospel, the marriage between Christ and his church: faithful, persevering, selfless love; caring, firm headship from you, Joshua, that will provide for and nourish Naomi’s need for security in love; caring, humble submission from you, Naomi, that will provide Joshua’s need for respect. As each of you loves the other according to your respective roles, you will find that your love for one another will increase and will be a display to the world of the love of Christ and his church.
You don’t know what your marriage will look like tomorrow or fifty years from now. That is an aspect of the mystery of marriage: it is worked out through time. You are entering into much that is unknown. But you can enter the unknown with one another in confidence because of the vows you are making to one another today before God and his people. Your covenant commitment to God and one another gives you a solid trust and confident hope for the future, in times of health and sickness, in times of poverty and wealth, until that time when, God willing, many years from now, death separates you. This covenant allows you to face the unknown about the other and life with the other in a way that is completely open, self-disclosing, vulnerable, unafraid, and unashamed. Because you are both committed to the God who created the covenant of marriage and are committing yourselves to live within this covenant as he ordained it, you both can be unafraid to be known by the other without fear of rejection. The vows you take and the commitments they represent give you a place of rest with one another that, no matter what happens, you neither leave nor forsake one another. Indeed, marriage gives us the opportunity to demonstrate the character of God himself in ways that other relationships do not, for the one who knows us the best—from the intents of our hearts to the number of hairs on our heads—the one who knows us the best will never leave us nor forsake us.
Both of you now have this opportunity.
Unlike God who has immediate knowledge of everything about us all the time, we come to know ourselves and others over time. As you come to know one another throughout the rest of your lives, as the mystery of marriage is revealed more and more to you and through you, there will be surprises along the way that will delight you, allowing you to experience the joys of God himself. There will be surprises that disappoint you, allowing you to grant and receive the grace of God through forgiveness and patience.
As the mystery of your marriage unfolds, may you always experience the grace of the gospel with one another and proclaim the mystery of the gospel to the watching world.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen
