Avoiding contention is so important in Proverbs that you are told you need to make a habit of keeping your opinion of others to yourself. Insulting people is a way to get entangled in strife. “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent”(Proverbs 11:12).
Notice here the discipline you’re supposed to impose on yourself is a double standard. On the one hand, you are supposed to be concerned about provoking others. On the other hand you must not allow yourself to be provoked. You should regard it as an honor to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11), but you should also consider it imprudent (as well as wrong in other ways) to cause an offense. You may change your life forever if you do so: “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.”(Proverbs 18:19).
If this strikes you as unfair, you’re missing the point. There is no conflict between living in a fireproof house and adopting the habit or not starting fires in other people’s houses. “For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases” (Proverbs 26:20).
