Forgiveness and reconciliation can be a thorny issue. Many questions must be asked to determine the shape of forgiveness and reconciliation. Is sin truly involved, or is one of the people offended because of his own unrealistic expectations of the other person? That is, one person has his feelings hurt because he is overly demanding, and no one lives up to his expectations. If sin is involved, is the sin of such a nature that it can be forgiven so that the relationship can return to what it was? If one spouse speaks uncharacteristically harshly to the other, forgiveness can be granted and the sin practically forgotten. Or is the sin of such a nature that the relationship is unalterably changed even though forgiveness is granted? If a spouse is a serial adulterer/adulteress, leading to a divorce, the marriage may never go back to what it was. Is the sinning party repentant or unrepentant? What is the part restitution plays in reconciliation? What does the healing process look like after forgiveness is granted? Though we don’t need to make forgiveness more complicated than necessary, human relationships are not as simple as “do these three things and move on.” (I’ve written several articles on forgiveness at Kuyperian Commentary. You can find them here, and a series that begins here.)
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JUST DO IT!
“Just tell me what to do!” Pastors and counselors sometimes hear these words from people in difficult situations. Whether they have gotten themselves into the situations through unwise decisions or suffering from someone else’s sin against them, they want answers. They want to know how to alleviate the painful consequences. Unfortunately, many people are looking for a silver bullet in the form of a simple formula or for the pastor or counselor to tell them exactly what to do. Telling them occasionally that you will not give them a rule or a command and expect them to follow orders strictly frustrates them. You may even be labeled as “unloving.” Sometimes, the person may be given principles and guidance with options, but that person must wrestle through the issue and make his own decisions.
When people are in trouble, they tend to revert to authoritarianism. It is simple. Follow the rules. Obey commands. Treat the world as an impersonal machine that operates by formulaic cause-and-effect. Expect everything to be fixed without time and work. People like authoritarianism at times because it alleviates personal responsibility. If I check everything off the list and “it doesn’t work,” it is your fault.
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My Rights
“I have my rights.” In America, yes, you do. We are a nation founded on the principle that God has granted certain inalienable rights that cannot be taken away but, rather, must be protected by the government. We have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We enshrined specified rights within the first ten Amendments to the Constitution, known as “The Bill of Rights.” We should be thankful for our rights as American citizens and continue to do everything in our lawful power to keep the government from infringing on those rights.
Rights given by God are given for his purposes. That is, he gives us personal privileges and authority to carry out the mission he gave us in the beginning. We are given rights for the purpose of taking dominion, building the kingdom. When our rights are divorced from their purpose, instead of edifying free speech, we have destructive speech, such as pornography, that cloaks itself as free speech. Instead of the true religion of the Christian faith, we have a mélange of multiculturalism that views all religions as equal. Instead of the right to pursue happiness through personal responsibility, we have the right to steal from others by voting thieves into office who will transfer wealth from those who earned it to leeches. Rights divorced from the gospel of the kingdom are used for deleterious self-consumption that eventually destroys society by implosion.
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The Five Faces of Anger
Anger characterizes our present culture. We live in a victimized, aggrieved, and, therefore, angry society. Anger is always simmering beneath the surface and frequently erupts. We will see more volcanic activity as campaigns ramp up and elections draw near. Battle lines are drawn. People will yell and scream at one another in person and online.
Our capitalist culture has learned to monetize anger. Anger is good business for social media influencers, whether non-Christian or Christian. Rage bait receives clicks; clicks are traffic, and traffic means money and fame. Anger is big business.
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Can I Please God?
Can I please God? Am I and my works ever worthy enough for God to say, “I am well pleased with you?”
There was a time in my life that I would have answered that question, “Absolutely not. I am a sinner and can never walk worthy of the Lord in a way that pleases him. It is impossible for me to please him because he is perfectly holy and tolerates no sin. My righteousness is only and exclusively alien. Christ’s righteousness is all that God the Father sees. Christ pleases God. Christ is worthy, but nothing about me is worthy.”
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To Know & Be Known
One of the scariest prospects since the fall of man into sin is to be thoroughly known.We want to know and be known by others. There is a deep longing for this knowledge but also a great fear. We desire this sort of intimacy because we are God’s image-bearers. God knows himself infinitely. Father, Son, and Spirit are completely exposed to one another. There are no hidden thoughts, no secrets between them. The intimacy is perfect.
When the man and woman were created, they experienced this intimacy, immaturely but truly. That is one aspect of them being naked and unashamed. When they sinned, they hid. They hid from one another and God. But the desire to know and be known wasn’t taken away. We want to entrust ourselves to others without fear of rejection in complete love.
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The God of Death and Resurrection
One of the clearest biblical themes is that of death and resurrection. Virtually every single biblical story includes these motifs (sacrifices, meals, covenants, etc.). Whether these moments are actual terminations of human life or whether these are endings or beginnings of human seasons and relationships, these themes pervade the biblical narrative. God loves to kill and make alive. He loves to judge and restore. He loves to see day one end to bring about day two.
Wherever we find ourselves, we can confidently conclude that God is ending and starting new things. We may read of deaths and resurrections near us, but God is still working loudly in the silence of our existential dilemmas. God does not hide in times of chaos, but he shows himself even more clearly. In fact, he gives of himself in such times so that we may receive more of him daily.
Lamentations says that his mercies are new each morning, which means that God constantly makes things alive that were perhaps dead the night before. Circumstances will change and allow you to move forward with more pronounced boldness.
Consider even now how God is transforming the dynamics of life. Things we once took for granted are now things cherished. People who were once a mystery are now benedictions in our lives. God is making something new when we become more attuned to what matters most. This re-prioritization is a newness in our lives. We are finding out that certain things we once idolized were psychological icons that must be put down. God gives and takes away, and he takes away and then gives. He is the God of death and resurrection.
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The Medicine of Joy
“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
~Proverbs 17.22
Antidepressant medications are being prescribed at alarmingly high rates. Approximately 1 in 8 American adults over the age of 18 were on antidepressants in 2018. Of those, more than twice as many women than men were taking them. Twenty-three percent of women in their forties and fifties take antidepressants, a higher percentage than any other group (by age or sex). Since 2020 and all the events surrounding COVID, those numbers have increased. Whether people are dealing with genuine medical conditions or trying to eliminate the occasional blues, it is evident that we are looking for answers to deal with depression, whether mild or severe.
Depression has no singular cause and no one cure. It may stem from a traumatic event such as a debilitating illness, a hormonal imbalance, or being an overly sensitive snowflake who can’t handle someone disagreeing with you. Cures will vary with the causes. You may need to work through the grief process with good biblical counseling, gaining and submitting to a proper perspective. Medical help may be needed to deal with thyroid, adrenal, reproductive organ imbalances, or other organ deficiencies. You may need to learn how to have thicker skin. There are many sources and ways to address depression, depending on the person and his situation.
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Faith & Shame
“For we walk by faith and not by sight.” So says the apostle Paul in 2Corinthians 5.7. Paul is, of course, dealing with a particular issue in that context, but this statement is a general principle of the Christian faith that he is applying. Paul is laying down the way Christians must walk in every area of life: by faith. Faith is relying upon what God says and having your thoughts, actions, and affections shaped according to his word. Faith is thinking Christianly.
Learning this way of life is a struggle. We have enemies within and without. Our own sin and our own word of authority fight submission to what God says. We hear the voices of the world echoing the words of the devil, “Has God really said?” God’s authority is challenged in our lives at every turn. We are tempted not to listen to him and exalt our own word or the words of others above his, conforming our lives to those words.
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Unlocking Potential
“An abundance of food is in the fallow ground of the poor, but it is swept away through injustice.”
~Proverbs 13.23
If I gave you a treasure map and told you, “X marks the spot. There is a 100% guarantee that the treasure is there. Go, find it, and it is yours.” You might ask what tools you will need to retrieve the treasure, but it is doubtful that you would turn down such an opportunity. The potential to be wealthy is a good motivator.
The truth is you are promised riches and a way to retrieve them. Not only that but you have also been told what tools you need. The only question is, How badly do you want to be wealthy?
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