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By In Counseling/Piety

How to Think Through our Anger Problem

It is ubiquitous in our lives whether we deal with a stubborn child or co-worker, traffic or burnt food, abortion or war. It is in our DNA to react to something, and that reaction we call anger. But anger is not just any normal reaction; “Anger is the way we react when something we think important is not the way it’s supposed to be.” The Bible is a response book to either man’s anger or God’s anger, and, stay with me here– there is no need for a coin toss to figure out who is righteous and who most often is not. God is infinitely righteous, and his anger is fleeting, but his favor lasts forever. So every time we look at the world, we should be grateful that God is spectacularly unfair: he does not deal with us according to our sins. He would crush us at the first sounds of our frustration and complaints about the weather if he did.

But God is merciful.

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By In Counseling/Piety

The Art of Complaining and Grumbling

We don’t struggle with the abstract things said in the pulpit; we struggle with their application. So, for example, if I say, “Language is a gift from God that ought to reshape our humanity,” you might respond, “Well, that’s beautiful, Pastor Brito. I am going to quote you on that,” but if I say, “Quit grumbling like a spoiled child,” then, you might say, “Well, that’s way too personal.”

Theology in big categories is necessary to form our application, but we will end our days at the “self-help” section of Barnes & Nobles when we apply without first doing theology. When we apply poorly, we end up with all sorts of weird notions of life—thinking that certain things are acceptable when the biblical reality says otherwise.

The wilderness provided Israel many opportunities to test God’s applications of his law. And inevitably, when God said that he would do something out of the ordinary, what do the people do:

You grumbled in your tents and said, “The LORD hates us; so he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us. Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, ‘The people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky.”

In that same passage in Deuteronomy, grumbling is dealt with harshly; it is viewed as distrust in Yahweh to the point where God disallows Israel to enter the land. So, grumbling is not a little thing. Luke says that it’s out of the overflow of the heart that the mouth speaks. The Bible dissects our problems with a lot of clarity when it comes to grumbling, but our functional response is to say, “My children made me angry, and then my car, my cat, my boss, the Democrats, my spouse, my remote control, or whatever else made me angry.” However you parse that out you still have to deal with grumbling in the Bible which is unmistakably a condition of the heart.

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By In Counseling/Piety, Culture

The Uncomfortable Gospel of Elimelech

In God in the Dock, C.S. Lewis’ wrote that he didn’t come to Christianity for its comfort. Instead, he said that a bottle of Port could give him all the happiness and comfort he needed.

I have been thinking of this sentiment in our modern environment. We have lost the sense that the Christian faith is not a religion of comfort and ease but warfare is inherent to our religious convictions. We fight for things because they are needful and because they are worthy of being rescued. When the people of God leave the presence of God in exchange for comfort, they inherit all sorts of bad jujus. In the Bible, it is always a bad thing to leave the good thing.

When Elimelech left Bethlehem in the Book of Ruth,a he left not just a piece of land. He wasn’t attempting to find a better marketplace in Moab. Moab was a place of deep darkness and idolatry. This wasn’t merely an attempt to take the UHAUL down to a better place; instead, Elimelech left God’s presence and God’s people because things were hard. And when things get hard, evangelical Christians decide either a) let’s leave town, or b) let’s find a gentler God.

Now, I am not calling Elimelech a silly man. His very name means “God is King.” He failed to live up to his status as one who serves Israel’s true King. Surely, Naomi was not a foolish wife, either. But sometimes, our human natures choose the easier thing, especially as we look around the world and see so much pain and suffering. It wasn’t that Elimelech said, “Wow, we are being disobedient; how can we fight this problem in Bethlehem?!” The problem was that Elimelech said, “We are being disobedient; how can we run from this?” Like Jonah, he discovered there was no place he could go where his sins wouldn’t follow.

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  1. Some have objected that Elimelech’s departure was not sinful since it mirrors the departure of others in the Bible. A more potent objection goes like this: “Abraham left the land of promise during the time of famine and Jacob did so as well. Why can’t we say Elimelech is just copying the actions of the patriarchs? Isn’t Elimelech just recapitulating the actions of Abraham and Jacob? There seems to be no divine disapproval of the actions of Abraham and Jacob.” But this argument fails to deal with key differences between the situation of the patriarchs and the situation of Elimelech. While the land was promised to Abraham, the land had not yet been conquered when Abraham and Jacob left because of famine. Abraham does not dwell in the land as a permanent resident. He knew he was just a sojourner. And it is the same with Jacob. Both men knew it would be centuries and generations before their descendants came into full possession of the land. The sins of the Canaanites had to fill up to the full measure, and then they would be driven out of the land. Their land would belong to Israel for as long as she was faithful. But that has not yet happened in the time of Abraham and Jacob. They left before the conquest of the land and before God has set his name there. So, for the patriarchs to leave the land does not carry the same significance as when Elimelech leaves the land. But there is something else to note with regard to Abraham. In Genesis 12-13, it is true that Abraham leaves the land because of famine. But he is not blessed until he begins to turn back to the land. Then he leaves Egypt with spoil. It is as if Abraham’s departure from the land was a kind of exile. But when he turns back towards the land, it is an exodus complete with plunder from the Egyptians.  (back)

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By In Counseling/Piety

The Abuse of Introspection: Some Thoughts

Some people dwell so much on their sinfulness that they find themselves constantly bombarding their status before God with doubt. Am I really a Christian? Am I worthy? These questions are not atypical of those who grow up in environments where internalized Christianity is emphasized. There is a healthy form of self-examination and Paul informs Pastors (II Corinthians 13:5) to encourage parishioners to examine themselves. At the same time, there is a difference between self-examination and introspection that is not often considered.

It is worth mentioning that God cares about our hearts. Out of it can flow the waters of destruction or waters of peace (Ps. 42). The repentant psalmist cries for God to create in him a clean heart and that God would restore the joy of his salvation. Here again, it is important to notice that this salvation has a face, a joyful one.

Martyn-Lloyd Jones wrote that a depressed Christian is not a good apologetic for Christianity. Whether there are physiological components at the root of this depression or not, it is still not a good presentation of the Christian faith. Depression–which must be differentiated from other forms of mental effects– is a form of despising God’s gifts and goodness. All of us are prone to it, and all of us must fight it. Schmemann once wrote that “Of all accusations against Christians, the most terrible one was uttered by Nietzsche when he said that Christians had no joy.” Joy often is not forced, though many have to work hard at it. But most often, it is the natural outflow of a heart saturated with grace.

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By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Wisdom

How Do I Forgive? (Part 2)

Forgiveness is a craft; a skill that requires different tools for various situations and time to become facile with those tools. Developing your skills requires that you learn how and when to use what tools. There are three fundamental skills in the craft of forgiveness that every craftsman needs. As you practice the fundamentals over and over, even as situations become more complex, you will have the facility to apply the right skills at the proper time.

First, there is the skill of cover up: forgiving by overlooking. Proverbs 19.11 says, “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.” Overlooking here means that he passes over it, not making an issue of it, and refusing to hold bitterness. Not every sin can be overlooked. You must discern if the sin or offense needs to be addressed. Ken Sande in The Peacemaker gives good questions to help you discern whether or not overlooking is appropriate. “Is the offense dishonoring to God, affecting this person’s witness and the name of Christ? Is it damaging to the relationship? Is it hurting others? It is hurting the offender?”

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By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom

How Do I Forgive? (Part 1)

Unforgiven sin is a death sentence for a relationship. We were created to be in relationships that grow in glory, moving through changes–death–into new and deeper joys–resurrection. Living with unforgiveness is death that spirals downwards into greater death. To enjoy the abundant life that Jesus promised, we must image him in living lives of forgiveness with one another.

But how do we forgive one another? What does forgiveness look like? In this article and the next, I will address these questions.

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By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom

Pursue Peace (Part 2)

The goal of forgiveness is peace, the reconciliation of a relationship in some form, removing the enmity between two people, and having a healthy relationship in this new situation. Reconciliation post forgiveness may not restore the relationship to what it was before the sin occurred, but there can be genuine peace between the offender and the offended.

Offenses will continue to occur as long as we live in this mortal flesh. Consequently, forgiveness will always be a craft we must work at to pursue peace. However, pursuing peace is not limited to our actions after someone has sinned against us or we have sinned against someone else. We are taught to sing in Psalm 34 to “seek peace and pursue it,” a command echoed by Peter (1Pt 3.11) and Paul (Rom 14.19). As much as lies within us, we are to maintain peace in relationships by pursuing those things that make for peace.

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By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom

Pursue Peace (Part 1)

The best defense is a good offense. We often hear this in the world of sports, but it is also generally true in all of life. Proactively pursuing positive, productive disciplines is better than defensively sitting around telling yourself not to engage in this sinful activity or not to think about that sin. What happens when I tell you not to think about a horse? The image of a horse comes to mind. The more you tell yourself not to think about it, the more you find yourself dwelling on it. Instead of defensively dwelling upon what we are not supposed to do, we need to be offensively pursuing what is good, true, and beautiful.

This principle holds true in relationships. Being prepared to forgive is necessary because offenses will come (Mt 18.7). But there are ways to take preemptive strikes against the sins that would destroy our relationship. We do this by pursuing peace. In this article and the next, I will give you some ways to do so in contrast with ways to destroy peace.

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By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom

Why Must I Forgive?

“Why must I forgive? He did me wrong. He owes me. I deserve justice! It isn’t right that he sins against me, depriving me of my possessions and dignity, and then I am expected to cancel the debt. That’s not fair.”

These thoughts have probably crossed your mind before when dealing with a painful experience of someone sinning against you. But you are a Christian, and the Lord Jesus commands you to forgive your brother when he comes to you asking for forgiveness. If you don’t forgive him, God will not forgive you. Indeed, he will reinstate the debt against you for not forgiving your brother (Mt 18.21-35).

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By In Counseling/Piety, Discipleship, Theology, Wisdom

Forgiveness Is Not…

Most of us don’t like turmoil. When there is tension in our relationships, we want to resolve it so that we can live joyful and anxiety-free. To do that, there are times that we may be willing to short-circuit the process of reconciliation through not dealing adequately with sin. We have been told that, as Christians, we have the responsibility to forgive. Some trying to take this seriously, believe that this means that you release the person from all responsibility for his actions, the necessity for him to change, let him continue the way he is living, and you, being a good Christian, bear all of the scars and residual pain. Or maybe, because we don’t like the discomfort of the whole situation, we dismissively say, “I forgive you” to paper over the sin in the relationship so that we don’t have to do the uncomfortable work of working through it. However, if the goal of forgiveness is peace in a relationship–a healthy wholeness between individuals–then the process of forgiveness can’t be cheapened in these ways. As disciples of Jesus, Christians are called into a lifestyle of forgiveness which involves dealing appropriately with sin and seeking to restore a communion of peace with others.

There are some misconceptions concerning forgiveness that need to be cleared up.

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